Be mind­ful of your pos­i­tive thoughts to­wards your part­ner

Great Health Guide - - CONTENTS - Merie Bur­ton

The over­whelm­ing stresses and de­mands of life can some­times leave us feel­ing as though we are just sur­viv­ing each day. So, the idea of keep­ing passion in a long-term re­la­tion­ship alive and well can feel like just an­other chore to check off the list. We all know that if our re­la­tion­ship is not go­ing well, it can have a rip­ple ef­fect in many ar­eas of our lives, which can lead to more stress and more de­mands. Sounds like a vi­cious cy­cle; but there is hope. Here are some help­ful tips and strate­gies that are based in the lat­est sci­en­tific re­search and de­signed to help lay the foun­da­tion for a keep­ing passion in a long-term re­la­tion­ship.


Be mind­ful of what your thoughts are say­ing about you, your part­ner and your re­la­tion­ship. By be­ing mind­ful in your re­la­tion­ship, you can set the tone for a happy and healthy re­la­tion­ship where ro­mance and passion can flour­ish more nat­u­rally. One sim­ple step to­wards mind­ful­ness is to no­tice how you think about your part­ner and then how you speak to them and about them.


Re­searchers have found that the ra­tio of pos­i­tive to neg­a­tive ex­changes in happy cou­ples is five to one. That means that there are five times as many pos­i­tive in­ter­ac­tions as there are neg­a­tive ones. Cou­ples tend to fall into a pat­tern of neg­a­tive thoughts about each an­other with­out be­ing con­scious of it and then won­der why they feel dis­tant and in­dif­fer­ent to­wards their part­ner. When you in­ten­tion­ally think pos­i­tively about your part­ner, you ac­tu­ally cre­ate new neu­ral path­ways in your brain, which can sub­se­quently change the way you feel about him. Sounds sim­ple, but it is true; change the way you think about him and it will be­gin to change the way you feel and be­have to­wards him.

By be­ing mind­ful in your re­la­tion­ship, you can set the tone for a happy & healthy re­la­tion­ship.


This is not to say that you ig­nore things that need to be ad­dressed, but when you start from a pos­i­tive place in your mind, it will of­ten lead to a more pos­i­tive way of in­ter­act­ing with him. Re­searchers have found that happy cou­ples be­gin their in­ter­ac­tions with the in­ten­tion of find­ing a so­lu­tion to a prob­lem. On the other hand, they have found that un­happy cou­ples be­gin ad­dress­ing an is­sue with a neg­a­tive in­ter­ac­tion, such as crit­i­cism. Neg­a­tive thoughts hap­pen in the sub­con­scious part of the brain but when you in­ten­tion­ally be­come mind­ful of your thoughts and no­tice what you’re think­ing, you bring the thoughts to the con­scious mind where you can make a choice about what you want to do with the thought and the sub­se­quent be­hav­iour. So, be­gin mov­ing to­wards a more pas­sion­ate and ful­fill­ing re­la­tion­ship to­day, spend some time each day choos­ing to think kind and gen­er­ous thoughts about your part­ner. Re­mem­ber keep­ing passion in a long-term re­la­tion­ship, works best if you have at least five pos­i­tive thoughts to each neg­a­tive one, then you will no­tice that it changes the way you feel about him.

Merie Bur­ton is a reg­is­tered psy­chother­a­pist and coun­sel­lor and works with in­di­vid­u­als, cou­ples and young peo­ple in her own coun­selling prac­tice. Merie runs reg­u­lar work­shops on stress, anx­i­ety, mind­ful­ness and re­la­tion­ships at dif­fer­ent lo­ca­tions through­out Bris­bane and the Gold Coast. Con­tact Merie via her web­site.

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