MEN ALSO EXPERIENCE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Men do not deserve to be mistreated either; abuse is abuse.
According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics (2017): ‘One in 4 women and 1 in 6 men have experienced emotional abuse by a current or previous cohabiting partner. 1 in 5 women and 1 in 20 men have experienced sexual violence (ABS 2017)’.
Domestic Violence, now known as Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), refers to physical assault, sexual assault, verbal abuse, financial abuse (withholding money), spiritual abuse (using religion to control another person) and emotional abuse.
This article is focused on men, I am in no way dismissing that women face far more abuse than men. However, that does not mean that men who are victims of abuse should be ignored or their experience should be denied.
Many women, and men, may be saying, “well how can a man experience abuse, a woman is not as strong as he is”. The answer is simple. In the same way a man can abuse a woman.
Many men do not protect themselves from a raging woman, or they feel so ashamed by what is happening that they do not tell anyone, in the same way a woman keeps it to herself.
When a man is abused, he can blame himself because he himself feels like he is physically stronger than his partner and therefore it shouldn’t be happening. However, if a man has been brought up with the belief that he ‘must not hit a woman’ this can also translate to ‘he must not defend himself’.
Of course, defending oneself does not mean hitting back. It can mean restraining so you can’t be attacked, leaving the home, reporting to the police, or telling someone else who can intervene. In fact, abuse should be reported to the police. It is expected that a woman would report, therefore why would we expect any difference for a man to report?
Men are usually abused in different ways than women are. Women are more likely to manipulate their partner, rather than physically abuse, although this does happen. Women are also more likely to use children against a man. Sometimes a man will feel he has no power because he feels the legal system is on the woman’s side. This kind of abuse usually occurs after a separation.
And of course, we must not forget that IPV also occurs within gay relationships, with the same emotional and physical consequences.
What can you do if you are a male victim of abuse?
1. Speak to your GP:
A GP can be trusted and knows where to refer you to get help.
Men do not deserve to be mistreated either. Abuse is abuse.
2. Read about Domestic Violence:
If you are uncertain if you are in an abusive relationship do some research. Many men do not realise they are in an abusive relationship.
3. Talk to someone:
Being able to talk to someone will allow your situation to be validated and you can get help, it could be a relative, neighbour, colleague, or even Lifeline (13 11 14) or MensLine
Australia (1300 78 99 78)
4. Call the police:
There are teams especially dedicated to working with IPV. They can help to protect you and sometimes this can lead to the partner being charged or being forced to participate in counselling. It’s best to call your local station directly, or phone 000 if you are in direct danger.
5. Seek professional help:
A psychologist who has had training in this area can help empower you to take back control of your life.
True equality means equality for men and women. Not equality for women at the expense of men. I hear all too often that men feel like they are being treated like the perpetrator and therefore they are not being heard, not taken seriously and left behind.
When men and women can stand up for each other, without saying, “what about us”, then we have achieved true equality.
Leanne Allen (BA Psych), Is the Principle Psychologist and Coach at Reconnect Wellness Centre. She works with clients online and in person. She has a passion for working with men, and has recently launched the online course “After the Divorce: A Guide For Men”, to find out more go to https://leanneallen.coach/ where you can also book in a free strategy session.