Our Agony Aunt Meg Mason dishes out somewhat questionable style and decorating advice to would-be DIY renovators

I’m considering a mirrored splashback in my new kitchen as I don’t like colour, but a friend who has one says it won’t suit my lifestyle. What do you think? India, via email

One day, I knew this question would fifind me, India. Privately, I’ve been dreading it because there’s such an argument to be made either way, which means there’s nothing for it except to deploy the decision- making tool I’ve been holding in wait since my days churning out a popular teen magazine in an underground bunker. Yes, it’s the Mag Quiz. Pen poised? Let’s go!

1. How would you describe your cooking style?

A) I’m a very tidy chef who eats mostly small salads. B) I’m a wildly experimental gourmand whose favourite dish is a searing beef stir-fry that uses every pan in the kitchen, but it’s fine because I just stack them or let them soak till the morning.

2. Describe your current kitchen.

A) It’s a tight space with only one small south-facing window.

B) It’s a vast north-facing sun temple that catches ferocious rays from every angle, all day. I don’t have AC but I do have contact lenses that make my eyes water profusely in strong sun or billowing clouds of stir-fry smoke.

3. Next, a little about your family.

A) I will never have children because I can’t stand mess. B) I’m that fun mum with a brood of crazy kiddos who love climbing up on the bench with their Playdoh hands while I’m whipping up a white-hot Asian favourite and absentmindedly trawling Facebook on my phone.

4. How would you describe yourself?

A) I’m a trim Pilates addict with toned biceps and a neat décolletage that I like to look at constantly. B) I’m a sloppy disaster who whips her bra off the moment I get home. I avoid reflective surfaces because I think I’ve got tuckshop arms, but I’m too scared to check.

If you answered mostly As, a mirrored splashback would be the perfect addition to your designer space. If you answered mostly

Bs, you’re a fun-loving Windex dodger who would cry if you saw what’s happened to your mid-section post babies. As the ‘crazy mum’, you don’t consider a child playing near a scalding wok spitting oil in all directions an insane safety risk. And when it comes to the greasy fififififingerprints across every surface? You don’t even see them, thanks to your desert-dry contact lenses and the blinding sun pouring in from all sides. So guess what? You have NO BUSINESS adding a mirror to your out-of-control workspace. To the subway tile store without delay.

For environmental reasons, we installed low-pressure taps. I’ve been evangelical about them to friends but, truth be told, the slow-running water is infuriating. Would it be wrong to swap them for regular ones? Rosemary, Glebe NSW

You’re on the horns of a dilemma there, darling. On the one hand, the main reason to be a professed earth-lover - apart from the melting ice caps and so on - is so you can lord it over friends still tossing Ziploc bags into landfill and slowly warming the planet with one of those patio heaters that run on virgin mahogany forests and panda tears. At the same time, who wants to spend 45 minutes trying to get their shampoo out under a drizzly shower with the same pressure as broken school bubbler? So, what about a compromise? Quietly switch the fittings, but sponsor an orangutan, change all your bulbs to LED even though they do wash out the complexion, and no hosing the driveway