>Smart ho me li ving

New driver Jennifer Phin hits the road – till Apple Maps pops up

Until a couple of months ago, I had a driving phobia, which is less crazy than it sounds. Hello, I’d like to fill my two-ton, four-wheeled projectile with a high explosive and barrel it down the highway with only my own pathetic hand-eye coordination as a guide. Oh, and I’ll strap in my firstborn, just to up the thrill factor. Forget it; my few post-teenage forays behind the wheel ended with me shaking and trying not to barf in a parking lot, which really takes the fun out of… everything.

So I conquered the phobia, which was a case of becoming so bummed with trying to squeeze a stroller onto a bus that I just gritted my teeth and drove around until I stopped weeping.

And then I found an array of exciting new millennial driving tech waiting for me. iPod connections! Voice controls! Parking sensors! And, most excitingly, an iPhone mount that meant I could plan journeys in neurotic detail at home, then stick my phone to the car windshield and take off, the wind in my hair, Apple Maps at my side, the Zoloft coursing freely through my veins. I’ve never felt so alive!

Of co urse, you’re way ahead of me: Apple Maps. I thought everyone was kidding about its inaccuracy – like when they say that the next iPhone will have a stylus. You have reached your destination, Apple Maps stated last week, as I headed to a hospital appointment. I foolishly tried to argue. “No, this is a park, dude. We’re not even close.” Apple Maps whirled for a moment as I tried frantically to reroute. Turn around where possible, it said calmly. “And then what?” I said, suspiciously. “TELL ME!”

I’m considering staying in for another 15 years in the hope that self-driving cars will become ubiquitous. I mean, they’ll be fine, right? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to barf.