>Smart home living

Jennifer Phin tries to find a reason not to get smart buttons

The Phin household is locked in disagreement over which Amazon Dash Buttons to order. Obviously the correct answer is “all of them,” but once again we are thwarted by the threat of losing our rental deposit, figuring that covering every flat surface in Wi-Fienabled online ordering buttons probably isn’t wise.

I am lobbying hard for hardcore home essentials buttons. Imagine a world where we never run out of laundry detergent or toilet paper or Pop Tarts! Meanwhile my husband has weird concerns over the brands available — should we commit to Listerine mouthwash? Will our weekend slow-brew artisan coffee ritual turn into an environmentally-inadvisable Cinnabon-flavoured Keurig frenzy through sheer ease of availability? Are we the sort of family that publicly acknowledges its over-consumption of Goldfish Crackers? The answer to that one, obviously, is yes.

Meanwhile, whenever we browse the Buttons on-screen, our toddler desperately begs us to order the button for Canine Athlete, a vitamin for active dogs, because she thinks it will allow her to order dogs. Through some discussion, I have also established that she believes the dogs will be owned and/or delivered by Rainbow Dash, one of the more popular My Little Ponies.

Husband is also interested in hacking the Buttons to perform other functions. “Like, we could use one as a light switch! Or to order pizza!” Which I agree is interesting until he adds: “You just have to catch the data slug… or sniff out the packet or something.” Uh-huh. You do that, dude. I’ll be over here ordering all the crackers. If you could ask the data slug to dress up as a delivery pony, that’d be ideal.