CHARLES WOOLEY
On the frustration of flight delays
Flying long ago lost its charm for me. Even before the security ordeal since the September 11 terror attacks, I had clocked up as many airport hours as air hours. So much time wasted waiting on the ground for aircraft that didn’t turn up.
But airlines must be a great business. They can keep you on hold until in their own good time a plane eventually turns up. Your time doesn’t matter.
My fellow travellers were on a 10am Virgin flight from Hobart to Sydney last week when it was cheerfully announced our flight had been delayed. The poor folk were so keen to get into that aluminium tube they had already been queuing for 20 minutes and they remained in line even after a subsequent announcement that there was “an engineering problem”.
I’ve been stuck enough times to know how cagey the airlines are. They don’t want you to cancel and find another service. So your flight is first “delayed”. Then, after about half an hour, they will mention “an engineering problem”, which to the casual optimistic flyer suggests a windscreen wiper blade needs replacing. For a catastrophist like me it says, “This plane ain’t going anywhere any time soon”.
I abandoned the queue the moment the word “delay” was mentioned. I grabbed a table and chair and started to write this column. Isn’t it funny how everyday life constantly tops up the reservoir of spleen and bile?
Whenever a “delay” is mentioned, I usually grab a seat and a strong drink. Technically, all flights tend to be delayed, leaving later than scheduled. A recent report from the Bureau of Infrastructure, Transport and Regional Economics suggested one-fifth are seriously delayed and more than 2 per cent cancelled. So when an airline tells you there’s a delay they don’t mean “late as usual”; they really mean “get out your knitting”.
Note that in Australia airlines are not compelled to compensate the frustrated traveller, whereas in Europe the average compensation for a delay is $900. It’s the Australian way. Just like the customers of big banks and big energy companies, airline customers have bugger-all rights. You can easily find out which airlines are the worst offenders on the BITRE website.
When the word “engineering” is announced, a sign should flash at the entrance to Hobart Airport: “Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.”
In small regional airports such as ours, airlines don’t have engineers on the ground. They save money that way. A contractor might be called in from town but they are not qualified to change the rubber band in the engine. So, if the problem is bigger than an overhead locker that won’t close, a team will have to be flown down from the big smoke.
All this takes time to put in train. So allow three to four hours to fly in the engineers and change the rubber band or the light globe.
But here’s the rub. While you were naively waiting for a flight you should have suspected would never leave, other airlines were flying out, almost on schedule. You could have caught one, but by the time your carrier confided your plane was not going to fly, the tarmac was deserted.
Even when the E-word was mentioned, my fellow passengers continued to patiently stand in line. How long before the penny dropped? I can’t tell you because I had abandoned the airport, made the short trip back to town, done some business and had lunch with my wife. I re-booked a late-afternoon flight with the same airline, because as you will see when you look it up, Virgin is the best of a bad bunch when it comes to delays.
For the record, those who patiently waited for my mid-morning flight eventually flew out mid-afternoon. So after a wasted lifetime of flying out of River City, here are three tips I have learnt the hard way.
1. If you have an important meeting or an overseas connection to make, fly the day before.
2. Never fly on Friday afternoons. Everyone is travelling and small rolling delays down the east coast of Australia snowball into major delays for us.
3. Never fly with small kids. They are not philosophical about delays. You will be sorely tempted to take out your frustrations on them.
Oh, and the good news? When you finally plant your weary backside in an Australian aircraft seat, statistically you are more likely to make it safely to your destination than in any other country on earth.
I added that Pollyanna note on Friday afternoon at Sydney Airport to the familiar sound of flight cancellation announcements. If you are reading this column, I probably made it home.