Predators who prey on loneliness

Lucy O’Flaherty reveals the ugly face of elder abuse, and explains how it can be happening at this moment, right next door

ISAT and chatted to Mary, talking about her time growing up in Europe during the war.

She recounted with a smile how her mother had always taught her to see the best in life and make the most of everything despite bad circumstances.

Mary, not her real name, told me she was the only remaining person in her family and she had few friends left, and how she appreciated the visits she received.

The pragmatics of when life ends were worrying her and she wanted to make sure I knew where her will was and who her lawyers were.

Even though I was able to give some assurances, Mary then shared with me that because she no longer had much money, she would be gifting it to charity.

I saw a look of pain cross her face as she moved her hand across her heart.

I asked whether it was OK to ask what had happened, and she told me about a lovely couple who used to visit her and had built up a friendship with her. What she shared next shocked and enraged me.

“They used to visit me in my unit and then kept visiting when I moved in to the nursing home, after about a year they told me that they wanted to build a house and couldn’t get enough for a mortgage, so they asked me for a loan which they would pay back,” Mary said.

Throughout her telling of the story, it was clear Mary felt a mix of feelings — stupid for trusting, but angry for her loss as they had disappeared with the money.

As someone in the care industry I thought that, even though this had happened 18 months before, surely there must be traces to identify these despicable people. But no, the perpetrators of Mary’s loss and the abusers of Mary’s age and trust were far too clever. The money was paid in cash and no paperwork was exchanged.

They had never given their last names or told Mary where they lived.

Mary agreed to share her story to ensure we learn more about what elder abuse might look like.

There is a plethora of information and awareness campaigns about domestic and family violence, as there should be, to educate the community about what we can do to intervene, report and protect our fellow friends, coworkers and neighbours: to step in safely, for those who may not have a voice.

However, the silence is deafening when it comes to those whose contributions created the world we now have the privilege to live in today. No older person should be subjected to abuse, often referred to as “elder abuse”.

Elder abuse can be physical, psychological or emotional, sexual or financial. It can be the result of intentional or unintentional neglect.

The World Health Organisation defines elder abuse as “a single, or repeated act, or lack of appropriate action, occurring within any relationship where there is an expectation of trust which causes harm or distress to an older person”.

If we are to be serious about protecting our elders, we need to know what it looks like, and what we can do to help.

To start with, we need to understand the difference between the sensationalised media reporting and the more dangerous truth about what it most often is. We need to understand the importance of not only reporting it, but also acting as a community.

The stories we hear in the media are often about institutional abuse in residential care, but let’s look at some facts.

According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare only 7.8 per cent of the population over the age of 65 lives in residential care, and 2.4 per cent receive home care support.

Elder abuse is never OK, but with regulators now on higher alert than ever as a result of their own failings we should feel safe as a community knowing this cohort of our elders is safe from abuse. What about the rest? What about those who live next door to you, who you work with, who you catch the bus with, who you socialise with? They represent more than 89.9 per cent of the over 65 elders in our community.

With Tasmania having the fastest ageing population in Australia, we face unique challenges of caring for our elders. We must challenge the paradigm of older age, of what elders are capable of and how that can often change incrementally. The person who once voiced concerns becoming silent, the quiet person whose voice hits the radar, the smallest and the biggest changes can often be examples of asking for help.

Think about the elders in your own life, their frailty and their strength. How would you know if they were a casualty of elder abuse.

We as a community must take responsibility and take a stand. Call out the bully, the perpetrators and the abusers. Question when something does not look or feel right, hold out our hands to let elders know they are valued and important, that they have the right to live their lives freely and without having pain inflicted — be that emotionally, financially or physically.

Unfortunately, the hardest pill to swallow is that often elder abuse is carried out by someone close to the elder, be it a carer or family member or someone known to the person.

If you are experiencing elder abuse or know of someone who might be, tell someone.

Lucy O’Flaherty is chief executive of Glenview Community Service.

Tasmanian Elder Abuse Helpline: 1800 441 169.