Sometimes a touch of the narcissist helps

NARCISSISM is supposed to be a personality disorder, but these days, the term “disorder” doesn’t really seem the best descriptor.

Narcissism is turning ordinary people into Instagram celebrities, it’s launching the careers of YouTube sensations, it’s the driving force behind the Kardashian empire, it’s propelling reality television stars into jobs like … president and leader of the free world. Clearly there is something to this narcissism business.

Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of selfimportance, they overstate their achievements and expect to be recognised as superior to everyone else. They are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power, beauty, and brilliance. They are also willing to take advantage of others to get what they want. They seek excessive admiration from others, and believe that others are envious of them. We all know narcissists, they make sure of it. They’re the ones flooding our Facebook news feeds, constantly changing their profile pictures, they’re the friends you meet for coffee who don’t ask you one question, they are working out so they have amazing bodies and they hold themselves in the highest regard.

I asked Peter Jonason from Western Sydney University what it feels like to be a narcissist, since he has spent the better part of the last decade studying them, and he said simply “Kanye West is not suffering from his narcissism. He isn’t waking up in the morning thinking, this sucks. He likes his narcissism. He enjoys its benefits.”

There are times when you have to be self interested as opposed to looking out for others. While narcissism might not make you any friends, there are contexts in which exuding a little narcissism can go a long way. Dr Jonason suggests people underestimate knowing how to self promote. Playing up your strengths can get you to places you could never naturally find yourself.

Narcissists are resilient in failure. They get up and try again, time and time again. Their self-belief is unfailing, which is a superpower when it comes to finding success in everything from quitting smoking, weight loss and finding love to financial success.

Dr Jonason says the brain of a narcissist is set up in such a way that they are constantly seeking a life of hedonism. Besides the career and

Rikki Markson

financial gains, narcissists even have more sex.

Paul Bloom’s book Against Empathy presents another interesting argument. Extreme empathy, essentially displayed by people who have little to no narcissism in their personalities, interferes with rational decision-making. Empathy shuts down the part of the brain that is tactical and self interested. Empathy dampens competitiveness. It won’t make you feel good to beat people if it means they lose. This can be problematic in many fields, from academic settings and work to games night with your family. It can make you more sensitive to rejection, so you are less likely to take social risks.

By contrast, if you are sure other people love you, you are far more likely to make a good impression. Narcissism can set you apart, though it’s clear that the extent that narcissism is actually a disorder depends on the situation. To make close friends and foster relationships with family, narcissism is not so good, but it can help you to be socially brave, establish a reputation and have a network of (shallow, but useful) acquaintances.

We all have some measure of narcissism. We would be walked over constantly if we didn’t. It might help in some contexts — self-promotion when we want to make a good impression, or brushing off disappointment and focusing on trying again when we suffer rejection.

Just check yourself if you start thinking, as Kim Kardashian does, that “selfies are the purpose of life”.

by Caravaggio

Rikki Markson is a psychologist, author and crisis counsellor.