Pitiful Perth just lost the plot

WHOEVER took my advice and stole Justin Langer should probably now return him safely to the authorities.

Also, Tornadoes, you should pay my consultancy fee because without stealing Langer there was no way the Scorchers could stump up that type of gross mediocrity.

Langer would never have won the toss, elected to bowl first and then allowed Mitch Marsh to bowl the opening over of the game, particularly on a wicket that was greener than a Huon Valley Granny Smith and faster than the Facebook heroes were in claiming a victory for the omission of Tymal Mills.

The opening over of any game sets the tone for you.

And when your bowling five includes Mitch Johnson and Jhye Richardson, you hold the ability to set a very nasty, ugly, fearful tone.

Mitch Marsh? Not so much. The only fear from that scenario is that you score less than 15 off the opener.

So when the first over goes for 17, from a host of wides and poorly executed drag-downs, the tone is set and the momentum already lost.

Also, when your bowling unit consists of the aforementioned intimidating super-fastmen plus Tim Bresnan, Matthew Kelly and Marsh, who is most likely to be targeted?

That’s right, the bloke afforded the least amount of fielding protection in the opening over of the game.

But even more disturbing was the lack of research and planning shown by the Glaciers when selecting a line-up of players.

The Tornadoes have shown over the full course of BBL history that they struggle to score against spin bowling. It hasn’t mattered who they’ve recruited, spin has always been the answer in restricting their batting flow.

BBL07 was no different as proven by these statistics — against pace the Torns shoot at 9.48 RPO. Spin, 7.04 RPO.

As the mad Scottish hotel host on Little Britain, Ray McCooney, says: “The Scorchers contained, NO SPIN” as opposed to the lack of nuts in the carrot cake. It’s hard to explain, maybe Google it and then come back to finish the piece?

Justin would never have let that happen. No sir! He’d rather be stolen like a small garden statue and held hostage in a backpack than pick a team that played to the extreme strengths of the opposition.

Be honest, did you expect the Typhoons to win this one?

Heck, they were coming off three straight loses against teams with only half the horse power of the Glaciers, were

When the first over goes for 17, from a host of wides and poorly executed drag downs, the tone is set and the momentum already lost

without their best player and were being hosted by a side whose home record and sevenyear dominance are more impressive than that of Hawthorn’s record through the eighties.

Let’s be serious, not even David Walsh was brave enough to take bets on the Canes. But this is the fighting spirit we’ve come to expect from the Phoons. Their culture has always been one of discipline and respect for the broader cause.

Just a shame that that cause was drinking in Salamanca and attending all available hours of the Taste.

Moving forward, these ain’t the Canes of old. This is Gary “I’ll coach the team even though half my face is still at the indoor centre” Kirsten’s team. South African men, a stereotype user’s dream. They are well hard.