Will yourself to work it out

Discussing your estate plans will help avoid family arguments after your death

DON’T tear your family apart when you die because you haven’t prepared them for the will you’ve left behind.

And don’t give us the old “why should I care, I won’t be here” argument.

You should care. You’re proud of how you’ve raised your family, they’re good kids and have a good relationship with each other – as far as siblings go.

Then they see the will, the plans for splitting up your estate, and so often they’re surprised, which leads to resentment and all those years of nurturing are destroyed.

We see it all the time. Often it can be simple wording, or a well-intentioned plan by the parents being misconstrued and animosity sets in.

We had one friend who left their entire estate to the eldest son with the clause “and then you look after your sisters”.

Well intentioned but complicated, messy and hurtful to the daughters, because they felt it implied they weren’t bright enough to look after themselves.

It took some pretty hefty legal bills to sort things out.

Here are our golden tips for stopping heirs arguing over your estate.

START THE CONVERSATION EARLY

It naturally depends on the age of the children, but if they’re adults, let loved ones know what’s in store and how you plan to divide your estate before you go.

This will help to manage expectations and identify potential areas of conflict that need to be addressed before you pass away.

Remember, adult children have their own different financial situations, tax issues and preferences.

It can also get really messy if a family business is involved, and even messier if one of the kids works in it.

Nobody wants their passing to cause conflict, but the unfortunate reality is that it often does, so communicate your intentions early to reduce the chance of trouble. After all, there’s a good chance you’re the most experienced mediator in the family.

We also believe it is a big mistake to use an estate as a bargaining chip to maintain some sort of power over the family. “Be nice or I won’t leave you anything,” threats are really destructive.

It’s way better to be open about everything.

CHOOSE THE EXECUTOR CAREFULLY

The executor is the one who deals with the beneficiaries, so choose carefully. And it can be more than one.

Many people have a solicitor as executor as well as a family friend or relative. The lawyer does all the legal grunt work, while the friend handles all the human emotional issues between beneficiaries.

It’s a good idea.

PLAY BY THE RULES

The most valuable tool for a quick and effective transition of an estate is clear and legally binding paperwork.

An up-to-date will, trusted power of attorney and superannuation and insurance death nominations will provide firm direction for settling your estate.

If you pass away without a will, the State Government distributes your estate according to predefined rules, so it pays to put it all down in writing with the help of a solicitor.

A will takes effect when you die and generally covers off how your assets will be distributed, funeral directions and any other last wishes.

Give your adult children a copy of the will to keep as a reference. really don’t need at an emotional time when they’re coping with your death.

PROVIDE CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS

Wills tend to be quite general in language, so try to be specific in your directions, and even provide some background or explanation if you think it will help people come to terms with your decisions.

The key is to avoid confusion or conflict about what you would have wanted by clearly communicating your instructions. A letter to the executor explaining your wishes in detail can be a huge help and allow you to say everything you might not have been able to articulate in your will.

AVOID PLAYING FAVOURITES

Try to make your estate fair for everyone involved.

If you really want to provide more to one particular person, consider doing this while you’re alive to avoid disputes over the will when you’re gone.

One of the most important legacies of your estate should be to maintain a cohesive and loving family, so make a special effort to find a place for everyone in your estate.

This doesn’t necessarily mean money or assets.

Instead, think about the sentimental items that provide treasured inheritances to the people who they mean most.

Spending the time to get your affairs in order and communicate your final wishes with loved ones is one of the greatest parting gifts you can give to your family.

And helping your parents go through this process might be one of the most important gifts you give to them.