Why raising a champion needs balance
Help youngsters be as good as they can, but not at any cost, says Alan Carlton
HOW do you raise a champion? I feel I am partially qualified to add to Ian Cole’s story (“Sifting through the ingredients that create our champions,” Talking Point, January 30), the reason being one of my children won several Paralympic medals. Once she was named Tasmanian Sportswoman of the year. In 2005 she was inducted into the Tasmanian Sporting Hall of Fame.
I will start at the beginning. We wanted all of our children to have good lives. They were all different and unique. When Melissa was born others classified her as physically handicapped or disabled. Our aim was to treat all our kids the same. We never gave Melissa special treatment. We never discriminated for or against her or any of her siblings.
We always had to fight other people’s attitudes. We had to fight people discriminating in favour of Melissa. I remember a parentteacher interview. My aim was to find ways of helping her with her maths. The teacher’s interests were elsewhere. He said, “She is very brave.”
We constantly had to fight for her to be treated as normal. I loved it when people said to me, “She’s just normal.”
Our aims for all our children was the same. We wanted them to be physically, emotionally, socially, intellectually healthy and happy. We wanted them to be well-balanced. We wanted an excess of balance.
We gave them healthy food. We provided housing and clothes. We sent them to one of the local schools so they could learn to read and write.
We wanted them all to have friends. To learn to interact socially. We encouraged extra school activities. To help them develop physically, emotionally and socially. We were dragged in disparate directions for mysterious reasons.
When Melissa was young we lived in a warm climate. Pools were a big part of the community. It quickly became obvious she enjoyed swimming. That swimming was her thing. It was impossible to get her out of the pool. Swimming she could glide quietly and gracefully. In the pool she wasn’t awkward or clumsy.
We thought she might as well do it as well as possible. Every child in any sport or hobby wants to be as good as possible. We always wanted our children to do their activities as well as possible.
Swimming led to swimming coaching, training, clubs, swimming friends. Coaching led to learning the basics of tactics and competitions. Ultimately it led to international competitions, medals and publicity.
It’s well known that I saw the Paralympics as another example of not treating her as a normal person. To be avoided. Under pressure from everybody I changed my mind. I saw a future where Melissa would swim in the Paralympics and against ablebodied swimmers. She could do both.
My aim with my children has never been to win medals or win Wimbledon or play AFL or BBL. I never thought that in order to achieve certain goals I needed to tick certain boxes. I never thought the prize was worth any cost. I see emphasising the end leads to a lack of balance. It leads to the sportspeople we love to hate.
I always thought the journey was more important than the end. The journey involves learning how to lead balanced lives, how to be physically, socially, emotionally and intellectually healthy and happy. When medals happen they happen. Accept them. Be grateful and happy and enjoy them.
I have four children and four grandchildren. I see them all as champions. Melissa deserves a medal for her work at the YMCA. Some of my grandkids deserve medals for their long jumping at the Domain.