Pain in the playground

Sex-abuse teacher warned repeatedly to leave 15yo girl alone

SEX-ABUSE survivor Grace Tame, 24, made headlines around Australia this week by becoming the first woman in Tasmania to be granted court approval to discuss her experience of sexual abuse, after a nine-year enforced silence under Tasmania’s gag laws.

For six months in 2010, the 15-year-old scholarship holder was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a teacher on the grounds of the elite St Michael’s Collegiate girls’ school, which charges tuition fees up to $18,200 a year.

School principal Adam Forsyth responded this week, saying: “I cannot get over the bravery and tenacity that Grace has shown for the last decade. For her to show such determination is incredible.

“The teachers are heartbroken but so proud of what she is doing and what she is achieving. Whilst sadly, we can’t change history, we can do all that we can to protect our students and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

But questions remain as to exactly what the school knew and when, and what more could have been done to prevent and intercept the abuse at the Anglican institution.

For legal reasons Grace has declined to comment on the school’s specific handling of the matter.

But documents obtained under Right to Information paint a tragic timeline, suggesting there are lessons to come from missed opportunities where more robust intervention may potentially have changed the course of events.

Former principal Robyn Kronenberg’s notes show that between 2004 and 2010, both she and other senior management had cause to speak to teacher Nicolaas Bester about his conduct on several occasions following “a string of complaints made by parents and students”.

He was issued at least two formal warnings following “sexist” behaviour, including one instance when he “upset a number of students with a comment he made about a student who had not returned to school to do Year 12 because she was pregnant”.

According to those present, the comment was that “the girl was as easy as the drivethrough at McDonald’s”.

That was in February 2010. Bester’s employment continued and in April that year, the principal had another phone call with a concerned parent.

It was Penny Plaschke, Grace Tame’s mother. She requested an urgent meeting.

Documents show that at that meeting Grace’s parents raised concerns about a “relationship developing between Grace and Nico Bester” including that Bester had given Grace a key to his office, was advising her about her eating disorder, and had tried to visit her in hospital, against hospital regulations.

Ms Kronenberg immediately met with Bester to go through each issue and he was told “that his behaviour was not professional” and not to have contact with Grace.

Initially, Bester abided by the principal’s directive, but by June he had re-initiated contact with Grace and the grooming escalated to contact offending, which continued until December that year.

Disturbingly, at one point during the abuse period, a teacher witnessed Grace and Bester at the school on the weekend in the science area. That teacher later admitted feeling “concern” but did not report it when it occurred.

On August 7, 2010, Ms Kronenberg also noted that she was “surprised” to see Bester at the Year 10 formal and was “concerned that he was present to see Grace”. (The night before, Grace had been sexually assaulted by Bester on the school grounds.)

Then on October 23, 2010, yet another staff member witnessed Bester at Grace’s weekend workplace.

That teacher thought it odd and reported it to the school. The principal informed Bester that “he MUST keep his agreement not to meet with Grace”.

He agreed, but continued to abuse Grace for another two months, including in the principal’s own chair.

By this point the former principal was sufficiently concerned to contact the school solicitor to seek advice on whether Bester’s known behaviour constituted grooming and whether action should be taken by the school.

The solicitor’s advice was “that grooming had to show that it was leading to sexual misconduct and that would be difficult to prove. He confirmed that I had met with the teacher and warned [Bester] about his actions. [The solicitor’s] only other advice was to inform the parent”, which the former principal did.

Police were not notified and the abuse continued for another two months.

For legal reasons Penny Plaschke and Grace Tame declined to comment.

Then in 2015, when Bester reoffended by making child exploitation material, the school contacted this newspaper requesting that the Mercury “refrain from mentioning the school’s name”.

An editorial decision was made to include the school’s name and in response a letter was sent by the chair of Collegiate’s board and recent former principal Judith Tudball expressing “deep disappointment” over the reference to the school stating that, “arguably those [in the wider community] who didn’t know don’t need to know” and reminding the editor of the advertising relationship the school has with the paper.

In a statement to the Mercury yesterday, principal Forsyth said the school had since “undertaken a comprehensive independent accreditation process of our policies and practices to safeguard students and children”.

Dr Forsyth said accreditation was achieved in May.

“I cannot comment on decisions made or actions taken by previous leadership of our school, except that the school did fail to protect Grace Tame, for which we will always be very sorry,” Dr Forsyth’s statement read.

“We will do whatever it takes to protect our students.”

Former principal Robyn Kronenberg was contacted for comment but did not respond by deadline.

THERE are few better examples of why victims of sex abuse should, if they want, be free to speak publicly about their experience than that of the amazing Grace Tame.

For years Grace endured the injustice of her abuser minimising his crime and portraying her as a willing and enthusiastic participant in his despicable predation.

Every caring and loving parent of a teenager knows without a shred of doubt that a 15-year-old is a child, still vulnerable and in need of parental care, guidance and protection.

Every caring, loving parent also knows that a 15-year-old can find the experience of maturing into an adult a painful and difficult process. Many teens are capable one day of acting with incredible maturity, only to act like a five-year-old the next. Maturation is a process.

Teen brains change significantly and are not fully developed. The teen body, from skeletal structure to brain function, undergoes extraordinary transformation.

Even in the best circumstances, teens can develop self-image problems such as eating disorders and phobias. The very notion of self is under construction during the teen years and for some, not all, it can be a torrid time of introspection and critical self-analysis.

Enter the cunning sexual predator and his cold-blooded scheming known as grooming.

One survivor of sexual abuse once told me he felt like he had been selected by his predator because he was so clearly struggling with life. He said he felt like he was isolated by the paedophile like a wolf

separating a wounded lamb from the flock.

A paedophile preys on teens by offering acceptance where other adults may fail to be supportive, by providing a shoulder to cry on and displaying the empathy of a confidant, and by treating the child as an adult and an equal.

Little wonder the teen gravitates to them. The predator creates the charade of a safe-haven in the storm of puberty and adolescence, a rare rock in a turbulent world.

Many of the paedophiles who have been exposed publicly in recent years are revealed to have used similar grooming tactics. Survivors I have spoken with find it alarming when they realise this. The orchestration of events by these paedophiles is more reptilian than human in its cold-blooded lack of shame.

Some predators allow their victim to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, swear and act as if they are adults in their company. Where parents and other grown-ups may treat the teen as a child, the paedophile appears by their side, as if by magic, like an adult friend.

This grooming can take months, years, but once the bait is taken and the child’s trust is secured, the predator strikes like a snake, leaving the victim confused and shocked, unsure what happened or how.

They also find themselves alone and unable to speak to anyone about it. I have spoken to survivors who kept their experiences secret for decades. They went through periods of blaming themselves. One told me it was only when he had his own children that his eyes were fully opened to the reprehensible wrong that was committed against him.

Once the veil is lifted, the cold calculation and manipulation of the predator is revealed — he just “happened” to get in the bedroom with the parents’ consent, or just “happened” to be the only person in the building, or just “happened” to be swimming naked that day. It all just “happened”.

But no, none of it just happened.

Most paedophiles meticulously plan their crimes, methodically and artfully constructing long-term plots that can involve ingratiating themselves with parents and adult support groups and assuming a guardian’s role.

They disguise themselves as responsible caring adults so as to ensnare a child, have their way, and then shame, bully or coerce the victim into secrecy and silence.

Perhaps some victims do flirt with their predator, perhaps some enjoy aspects of the grooming, perhaps some experience pleasure and perhaps some agree to meet in private. All these “perhaps” thoughts can plague a victim and cause sexual confusion and anxiety later in life.

It can take years for some to come to terms with the fact that it is only natural for a teen to feel excited by attention and to crave acceptance and affection. It is only reasonable for a child to be vulnerable when the world appears to be crumbling around them.

A child is not to blame because some schmuck shamefully plotted to prey on their vulnerability.

The notion of a teen flirting or appearing willing is entirely misplaced. These innocent acts, if allowed to pass without the cruel interruption and perversion of a predator, are just a part of growing up.

The paedophile steals this innocence from a child and can twist it into a cause of years of anxiety and shame.

Some victims hate every aspect of their abuse from the start, and struggle with anger and a sense of defilement. One told me he felt it had not affected him at all. Sex abuse takes many forms and opens a Pandora’s box of reactions.

I admire Grace Tame and hope she gains satisfaction in having helped the world understand and guard against the grooming processes used by paedophiles.

I hope Grace can now get on with her life safe in the knowledge she is a good person with nothing to feel ashamed about and an incredible amount about which to be proud.

Grace has not only cast aside the chains of her own grooming, abuse and gagging, but has likely saved many others from enduring the same ordeal.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound indeed.