Stop acting like a cruise ship

THIS SPIRITED TRAVELLER WOULD LOVE TO CHOOSE SEA OVER SKY, BUT WHY WOULD YOU?

IWAS seasick on my maiden Spirit of Tasmania voyage from Port Melbourne in January, 2008. I took a motion-sickness tablet before my next sailing, from Devonport, in October, 2013.

Its chalky texture – or maybe one of its ingredients – made my mouth feel so dry that I did not feel like eating when I ordered for my kids at Leatherwood Restaurant on-board that evening.

As I picked at the girls’ leftover roast chicken and vegetables, I felt as if we were being watched — staff hovering near the till seemed to keep glancing our way.

I realised they had not mistaken me for Joni Mitchell when they accused me of conspiring to order from the children’s menu with the intention of dining on it myself.

I asked to see the ship’s captain, settling for a manager who tried to assuage me with booze.

“I don’t want your free wine,” I said. “The damage is done. You have ruined this trip for us.”

When I heard the State Government has appointed a task force to consider how a future ferry service might look, I remembered that night.

The premise that the Bass Strait crossing should be an “experience’’ rather than a transport service is illconceived.

The cruise ship experience sell is at odds with the Tasmanian brand.

OVERRATED: A trip on the Spirit of Tasmania ferry should cater to locals, rather than being run, promoted — and not excelling — as a day-cruise experience.

A cheaper, faster ferry service would be a sensible way forward.

“Agree with you entirely about the ‘day-cruise experience’,” a Sydney friend with a second house in Hobart said this morning. “It’s just a f...ing ferry to get you to the island.

“People want to know that their dogs are safe below and the stuff they are carrying is safe.

“They do it quite well off the coasts of Scotland and Norway, as it’s made for the locals …”

Made for the locals.

Write it down, TT-Line.

This spirited traveller would love to choose sea over sky, to paraphrase a lame lifestyle ferry ad, but why would you?

It costs too much, for a start. I’ve spent more time on the Spirit and Jetstar websites working out whether it will be cheaper to sail or fly than I’ve spent actually travelling by ferry or air in the past decade.

I do my head in with my calculations,

I like that. factoring in fuel and transit accommodation with the ferry option, and baggage and car hire with the fly option.

As the mothership, I’m usually forking out for four or five fares, hence my craving for a saving.

Either way, it adds up — and flying usually works out cheaper.

The ferry service is already subsidised, but prices need to come down further for passengers, freight and vehicles to make it an affordable component of a longer road-trip.

The route should be funded more like a highway – an essential passage – with a modest toll attached.

The chance to rethink ferries through the task force framework at this critical time demands lateral thinking and a willingness to pivot.

The government’s readiness to explore local manufacturing options for TT-Line’s replacement vessels, which would come into service towards the end of this decade, is a move in the right direction. Why spend an estimated $850m commissioning offshore if we can build our fleet at home?

Developing our advanced manufacturing sector is probably our best insurance against ever again relying so heavily on an industry as vulnerable to vagaries as tourism.

Can we cut the overly long sail time, too? Why not consider rerouting the ferries to closer ports, potentially halving the current nineto 11-hour trip? Then we could halve staff hours and fuel, too.

About 30 years ago a four- or fivehour Seacat service connected George Town and Port Welshpool. Some called it the “spew-cat” or “vomit comet”, but others were never sick.

Why did we double the travel time by sailing Port Melbourne-Devonport? Surely a smart car ferry service would minimise sea time and get travellers back on the road asap?

Why Melbourne at all? It’s a nightmare to get through in traffic, particularly when towing, and Melbourne, with its excellent public transport, is the one place we don’t need our cars. And why Geelong next?

If TT-Line wants to stick with its very long day cruise and expensive overnight cabin options, could we at least consider a mixed fleet that includes a fast, no-frills option — maybe bringing back a cat to ply a shorter route at higher speed?

I just want a comfy seat, simple dining options and quiet spaces to read, watch a movie with headphones and gaze out the windows — as if I’m on a train trip or flight, but with ample room to move.

As we workshop post-COVID tourism revival strategies, would any single lever be more effective than rethinking the way people get on and off the island with their cars?

For so many reasons, a cruise ship experience is the last thing we need.