Straight out of the Wild West

WHO is the fastest gun, Trump or Biden? And who will get to be Sheriff of the Western World?

The Wild West remains a metaphor for almost everything American.

So much of the American legend and character was forged on the frontier.

As the pioneer nation pushed west, unlike in Australia, the new settlers found riches beyond belief: massive fertile plains where buffalo roamed in huge numbers (but not for long), towering snow-clad mountain ranges drained by navigable rivers up to 3700km long.

And in the Great Lakes system a massive inland sea.

The extraordinary bounties of America’s geography fated her to rapidly become the richest and most powerful nation on Earth, but also one of the most disputative.

This was God’ s Own Country.

And the Americans were God’ s chosen people.

And the prize was worth fighting for.

Unlike our convict origins, America was a free country, which fought a revolution to shake off the colonial yoke.

And later fought a murderous Civil War, which resulted in the abolition of slavery.

In case the defeated British might strike again, after the Revolutionary War the elected US president was given the uni lateral power to declare and conduct war.

And because freedom won is more precious than freedom conferred, all American citizens were given the right to bear arms.

It made good sense at the time.

I have been to Western towns such as Tombstone Arizona, where ordinary folk wear a holstered gun on their hip, even when they go shopping. The argument is that even the danger of a massacre is limited by the fact that the good guys (everyone else) also carry weapons and the bad guys will be out gunned.

In theory that might mean that the cowardly Port Arthur mass murderer would have been himself killed after his first shot. Maybe.

American Second Amendment supporters often quote Port Arthur as an example of how the worst can happen when no one else has a gun. It is also a Trump ian argument.

The recent history of American massacres does question the logic, though in the US today it has not yet refuted it.

I know America quite well. I have been to every state but Alaska, the salmon fishing state.

I still wonder why 60 Minutes never sent me there.

Just like so many American voters, my generation of Australians grew up on Westerns at the cinema and then on television. It was always a simple and entertaining instruction in ethics and morality.

There was no moral relativism in the Western movies of the ’50s and early ’60s. They might have been in Technicolor, but the values were black andwhite.

The good guys were as good as the bad guys were bad.

You could even tell by the look of them. Downright ugly actors were mostly cast as villains.Clean-cuttypeslikeGary Cooper, Gregory Peck and Randolph Scott were the goodies.

I love America. I am a great fan, not least as an Australian Republican. But neither am I blind to her faults, especially in this double-whammy year of COVID and a presidential election.

Right now, the most obvious failing is the quality of the contenders.

As Australians we all wonder what is wrong with the process when Trump and Bid en are the best choices from a population of almost 330 million.

I mean, why can’ t the Yanks match Australia’s finest? Where is the American S co Mo? Where is their Albo?

Perhaps those aspiring American deputy sheriffs, the running mates Pence and Harris, might be the hope of the side.

But let us not indulge in foreign interference and wish an untimely end upon either of the presidential candidates.

For my two bobs’ worth, at the Star Cinema in Launceston in another time in a distant universe, the best American civil virtues were embodied in the 1952 Western High Noon.

Se tina town called Hadleyville, New Mexico, it stars Gary Cooper as retired marsh al Will Kane, who is about to leave town with his new bride( Grace Kelly) for a quiet life on a small farm far away.

But his old enemy, the criminal Frank Miller, has just been released from jail and is coming back to town seeking revenge against the lawman who busted him.

The cowardly towns men refuse to serve as deputies to back Will Kane in confronting the dastardly Miller (Ian MacDonald).

So, the marshal must regretfully take down his guns one more time and risk his life alone, to con front evil.

As an aside, Sheb Wooley, who is a distant relative( which was why my dad took me to the movie), plays the bad man’s brother.

From my long experience interviewing Americans from all walks of life, many of them are bopping around in a giant screen movie in their own heads.

That is why they are such an easy delight to interview. Heroes in their personal screenplays, they always come with great lines.

Some might be saving the world from the cockpit of a jet fighter.

Others are in a starship crossing the universe, or they are a dogged reporter bringing down a crooked president.

Often, they are just cool dudes on the road, spinning the immortal line from Easy Rider: “Just doin’ our own thing in our own time, man .”

But so many more, I am sure, are secretly Marshal Will Kane, or someone like him, stepping out alone at high noon on the dusty main street to con front malevolence.

I am, of course, thinking of Joe Bide na san ageing and declining public official now bravely facing down the hulking form of tough guy, “Dirty Donald’ ’Trump.

Trump is reputedly the fastest lip in the West when it comes to insults.

“Joe, I’ve achieved more in four years than you’ve achieved in forty.” Trump contemptuously spits a wad of chewing baccy into the dust at Biden’s feet.

Onlookers worry that the best comeback Joe can manage is, “You can’t get a word in with this clown.”

Armed with only that small calibre of reply, will Joe be fast enough to defeat the bully?

Kiddies, I recommend you stream High Noon. You will love it as much as I did back in amore innocent age.

The theme, good versus evil, is eternal, but in these complicated times it can be hard to pick winners. So, I won’t spoil the ending of the movie for you.

But I will hazard a spoiler for the upcoming show down in Washington.

I have got a Mars Bar riding on Biden.

Certainly, only one thing is sure. In the words of the immortal song from the 1962 western, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance:

“When two men step out to face eacho ther, Only one returns.” I also recommend The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance as a further insight into the American psyche.

And kiddies, with this one, given the title I certainly can’t spoilt he ending.

TRUMP IS REPUTEDLY THE FASTEST LIP IN THE WEST WHEN IT COMES TO INSULTS. ‘JOE, I’VE ACHIEVED MORE IN FOUR YEARS THAN YOU’VE ACHIEVED IN FORTY.’ TRUMP CONTEMPTUOUSLY SPITS A WAD OF CHEWING BACCY INTO THE DUST AT BIDEN’S FEET.