HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST

Self- help author Marianne Vicelich ( above) knows all there is to know about relationships, healthy or otherwise.

She recently published the book Destruction — Free Yourself From The Narcissist.

Here Vicelich reveals how to identify whether you have a narcissist in your life and what to do next.

LACK

This is the main hallmark of a narcissist — that combined with an inability to identify with or recognise the experiences and feelings of other people, says Vicelich.

Everything is about them and belongs to them too, she says.

“They do not care or understand how other people feel and rarely consider other people’s feelings in their actions or words,” she adds. MANIPULATIVE MASTERS

True narcissists are manipulative. They are masterful at twisting a situation and bending the rules to get what they want. They use manipulation tools to get their needs met — typically attention, validation and status.

“Nothing gets in their way,” says Vicelich.

DEEP

Don’t confuse rage with anger, warns Vicelich.

“Anger is focused on righting wrongs and satisfying needs,” she says. “Anger has a beginning and an end.”

Rage, however, is primal, promises chaos and destruction.

“It is the psychological remnant of a lack of parental empathy,” she says. LACK

Lack of remorse or guilt and a general lack of insight into the hurt caused by their words and actions is common. Classic narcissists will have little insight into how they hurt and impact others. This reflects their childlike selfishness, Vicelich says . THEY’RE GRANDIOSE

This means they tend to exaggerate accomplishments, talents, connections and experiences. This can also manifest in a sense of self importance — a deep belief that they are more important than anyone else and certainly you.

If you believe you have a narcissist in your life, Vicelich recommends you do the following: look inside. You may find you don’t believe you deserve better — but the truth is you do.

Start by listing your good qualities ( we all have them) and focus on them.

Begin to work on believing in you and your intrinsic value.

“Spend a few moments each day by reconnecting with your authentic self to recalibrate to a state of peace, strength, creativity and wisdom.”

Learning to love yourself won’t happen overnight but with work it most definitely will happen.

Then, decide what types of people you want in your life and accept nothing less.

OF EMPATHY RAGE OF GUILT