THAT’S GOTTA HURT WINNER!

Poor old Alan Pardoe really got himself in a pickle with this one! He tells us what went down: “On a Saturday morning ride in my local woods, I decided to try a simple, if a little steep, drop-off. My mate went first and made it look easy, so I gave it a go. I hesitated before the lip, scrubbed off too much speed and the bike nose-dived, springing me over the bars. Unfortunately, I hit the ground with my head, which hyper-extended my neck, and ragdolled down the bank, landing in a heap at the bottom. After the initial shock of being winded, I realised I couldn’t move my head. We called an ambulance and used the what3words app to communicate our location. The medics needed to lift me over a wall on a spinal board.

“It turned out I’d broken my neck in two places, fractured a vertebra in my back and dislocated my larynx, which meant I couldn’t talk. According to the trauma doctor, it was a miracle I wasn’t paralysed, or worse. After 48 hours in hospital, I had a halo brace fitted, which is basically a medieval torture device that screws directly into your skull, while you’re still awake. It’s as bad as it sounds! Twelve weeks on, the vertebra is all healed, apart from a slight slither of bone. I’ve had the halo removed and am now in a hard collar. Hopefully I’ll be starting physio soon. What have I learned from this experience? We should be hugely proud of the NHS! Also, never skimp on your helmet. Mine had MIPS and I’m convinced that’s why I didn’t get any form of brain damage – another thing the doctors were amazed by.”