HELP! MY CHILD can’t make friends

Mum-of-two and social commentator Angela Mollard guides you through the thrills and spills of parenthood When should you enlist the help of an expert?

Making friends seems like the easiest thing in the world for kids, but many struggle to fit in. We spoke to psychologist Louella Covich at Kids First Children’s Services to find out how you can help your child make great friendships.

Why are parents concerned about their child fitting in? We can see how important connecting with others is in our daily life and we want children to learn those skills too. We also know when a child is unhappy with their peers, it impacts on their school and home life. How important is it for children to have good social skills? Developing good social skills and relationships while young can have benefits. Research suggests that having quality friendships can be protective later in life and have an impact on adult psychological wellbeing. How can you help a child who has trouble fitting in? Set up open communication and a safe place where your child can talk about their feelings. Address their feelings and reflect on what is or isn’t working. It’s helpful to identify different types of friends – characters in a book or cartoon your child can relate to. This can create discussion on how these characters make good friends. If your child is the leader, how can you teach inclusiveness? Create conversations that build empathy and opportunities to welcome others. Taking time to notice how good it feels when we’re included, and how it might feel if we’re left out, encourages children to include others. Alternatively, how can you encourage a timid child? Practising friendship skills by role-playing with toys can help. Try small challenges in a specific context – such as asking a child’s name at a park. Build on this as the child’s confidence increases. What signs might suggest a child is socially distressed? Significant changes in their eating or sleeping habits, refusal to go to school, complaints of stomach aches or headaches, and an increase in irritability can all suggest distress. How should parents navigate the birthday party circus? Birthday parties need to reflect your core values. Why celebrate? What’s important? How do we want the birthday person to feel? If you’re concerned it’s impacting on their quality of life, it’s time to get some help. How can you encourage play as a means to making friends? Play is the natural language of kids, yet they can often be so busy with after-school activities or on devices. Providing opportunities for longer, more open play at home can encourage creativity and problem-solving. Playing helps teach social skills, such as listening and sharing. For more info, visit kids-first.com.au.