Make the right decisions and secure your future happiness, says Allison

Q My husband and I were separated when he took his own life last year. My two children and I are still struggling with the loss. We still loved him even though he had moved on with his life. If only he knew we all still loved him. Is he at peace now?

Margaret, via email. A Margaret, often people who commit suicide feel they affect our lives in a negative way. Of course, we don’t agree. Nobody prepares us for grief, so we shouldn’t go through it alone. Please let your children know their dad loved them immensely. Once someone passes, they see the ripple effects their death had on their loved ones. He will have to come to terms with that, but as far as his depression is concerned – that’s gone. Most people who pass from suicide revert to a younger age before life started to feel like a struggle. Take your time healing. Once the healing begins, you will have happy days again.

• If you or someone you know needs help, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Q

My mum suddenly passed away 10 years ago. There were no last goodbyes and she was very sick. I feel like I failed her. Is she OK and free of pain? I have looked for signs from her but have felt nothing. Is she angry with me? My father has been deeply affected by her passing. He loved her very much.

Kerry, via email. A Kerry, your mum will have trouble getting through to you if your heart and head are stuck in her death. Take out a picture of your mum looking beautiful and happy, that’s how she is now – not suffering.

You didn’t fail your mother, she wouldn’t want you to feel that way. You’re her great success – remember that. Write your mother a letter with all of the things you wanted to say to her about her illness and passing. Read it to her, she can hear you.

If your mother feels like her presence brings you joy, you’ll get signs more easily. If she feels like every time you talk about her or think about her you get sad and depressed, she’ll pull back her energy to try and avoid hurting you. Q I miss my grandparents dearly and wonder why they haven’t shown me a sign they are around. I often say to my kids that a certain animal is their great-grandparents visiting them and wonder if this is actually true?

Meagan, via email. A Meagan, animals are often symbolic of people who’ve passed. When an animal’s presence makes the hair on your arm stand up or stirs something inside, your soul is recognising the presence of a loved one.

For you to make the statement that an animal is your grandparents tells me that something in your soul knows it to be true. You’ve been getting signs, but your mind just keeps dismissing them. It’s time to start embracing this sign.