The pressure to be perfect W

hen I was kid, I doubt my mum and her friends ever talked about mother guilt.

They simply got on with feeding us, clothing us and wiping mud off our faces with a hanky dabbed with spit. Yet modern mothers feel so much pressure to be perfect, whether it’s their bodies, the birthday parties they host or their child’s academic intelligence.

Clinical psychologist Julia Bosson says she’s constantly seeing mothers burdened by pressure.

‘The absolute flood of information both from experts and from our peers on social media can feel totally overwhelming for parents,’ she says.

So what can you do about it? Julia has five tips for helping mums learn that less-than-perfect parenting is fine.

QUESTION YOUR EXPECTATIONS ‘Are you setting standards that are impossibly high, that no human can attain 100 per cent of the time?’ queries Julia.

She urges parents to start to see the grey area – the middle ground between perfection and failure.

TREAT YOURSELF LIKE A FRIEND So often we’re easier on our friends than ourselves. If you had a friend grappling with an issue, what advice would you give them? It’s more than likely you’d tell them to go easy on themselves. Extend yourself the same kindness.

REMEMBER, SOCIAL MEDIA ISN’T REALITY Instagram is literally a snapshot of others’ lives – not the real thing.

As Julia says: ‘You see this picture of this perfect birthday cake, but what you don’t see are the three burned cakes on the counter.’

Mum-oftwo Olivia Wilde has spoken about the pressure to ‘bounce back’ after having a baby.

‘I believe in a world where mothers are not expected to shed any physical evidence of their child-bearing experience. I don’t want to waste my time striving for some subjective definition of perfection.’

USE A MANTRA Find a saying that helps you through the hard times.

‘You can only do what you can do,’ is one Julia recommends. I’m a huge fan of: ‘It’s good enough.’

MODEL BEING KIND TO YOURSELF Admit you can’t do it all. Flop on the sofa and say it’ll be toasted sandwiches for dinner. Or staple up the hem on a school uniform if you can’t stitch it before the weekend. As Julia points out, it’s important for kids to see their mums being easy on themselves.

Mum-of-two and social commentator Angela Mollard guides you through the thrills and spills of parenthood