Allison Dubois

People we lose are always a part of us, even after they cross over, says Allison

QTwo years ago I lost my husband of 26 years. My daughter encouraged me to move on. I’m now with a lovely man but we have a lot of issues. I often end up in tears wanting my late husband back. Is he happy I’ve moved on?

Natalie, via email.

ANatalie, your husband wouldn’t be unhappy that you found someone to spend time with, he knows your new man can’t replace him. Even though you found a new man, that doesn’t mean that you’ve finished grieving for your husband. You spent 26 years with him, he’s part of you. The silly moments you shared, having children together, the early passion that evolved into an everlasting love.

I can tell you with certainty that you’ll be with your husband again one day. Your husband had too much energy in life to ever want to be ‘laid to rest’, he’s reliving his happiest days.

I think you could use a grief support group. Celebrate your husband’s life, do the things that you never got to do together. Carry a picture of him to the places you two wanted to visit. For now, appreciate the man you are with, don’t make him live in the shadow of your husband. Q I am separated from my husband of 29 years and headed for a divorce. Will I lose the house? Do you see us getting back together? Anon, via email. A Sometimes people just grow apart. If you don’t know why your husband left, you need to ask him – he owes you that.

My sense is that he’s looking back on his life and wondering how it might have been different. In other words, he’s having a midlife crisis.

You’re going to end up downsizing, but it’s just as well. It’s time for you to reinvent yourself and take control of your life. You were fine before you met your husband and you’ll be just fine after you both move on.

To answer your last question, he’s ready to move on. It’s time to get reacquainted with yourself and find someone new – it’s going to be OK. Q I have been trying to meet someone for a long time. I have tried dating apps and joined a gym but nothing seems to work. Do you see me ever getting a boyfriend and having kids?

Christine, via email. A Christine, I applaud your effort. Your social circle is crucial when it comes to finding love. Your friends also have a lot to do with the quality of man you’re being set up with, so make sure your friends’ energy is similar to the guy you want to date.

Hire a female life coach that resembles the woman you want to be, she’ll show you where your match is hiding. To answer your question, I see kids for you, just make sure that their father is good enough for you.