LETTING YOUR BOYFRIEND GO ROGUE – DRINKING WITH OTHER WOMEN OUT ON THE TOWN – IS JUST NOT ACCEPTABLE, SAYS NENE
QI live alone and struggle with social anxiety. I have very little contact with the outside world but I would like to get out more and not be so housebound. I can’t rely on support services or a friend to take me to different social groups. I hope you can give some advice on getting out and about. EMILY, VIA EMAIL.
AYou have too much time on your hands. I live alone and know it’s important to look after myself. I do not rely on support services and friends have their own busy lives. I am not housebound, walking my two pooches every day (you meet the nicest people). I keep myself active and refuse to lock the front door. What are your interests? Check the local paper and church noticeboards for suitable activities. There is a wealth of groups and clubs out there. Join a book club, a sports club, or take up bowls. Lots of people will welcome you.
QA lady I know who lives in my region left a card in my letterbox stating she’s only prepared to make contact every couple of months, for a short time. Do I just accept that this lady ignores emails and only wants contact on her terms? She never gives me a call or emails to say hello. She wouldn’t give me her mobile number and said I could contact her husband’s number. I am looking for her husband’s work mobile number. Would you get the hint if someone won’t call or answer emails? CAROLINE, VIA EMAIL.
A‘Get the hint’ is an understatement. This woman is bad news. She is only interested in a friendship on her terms which leaves a lot to be desired. Why waste your time trying to befriend someone who is so stringent? She is secretive about her mobile phone number, ignores your messages and emails and wants you to contact her through her husband. She is not interested in forging a caring and sharing relationship. Move on.
QMy brothers and I all live in NSW within a couple of hours’ drive of each other. Our parents moved to Cairns a few years ago. I try to visit them once a year but it’s not always possible with kids and a mortgage. Our parents always make us feel guilty for not visiting more, but they’ve only come back to NSW once since they moved. It’s starting to grate on me but I don’t want to fall out. Any advice? JILL, VIA EMAIL.
AI do love a good guilt trip. There’s nothing like it to make you feel inadequate and remorseful. Your parents chose to move to Cairns a few years ago leaving family behind in NSW. Depending on their circumstances, a visit once a year is a bit stingy. I’m sure they have more free time than you and your brothers. You may want to explain that circumstances often prevent you from visiting – money, kids, mortgage. Forget the grating nonsense, your parents are old, set in their ways but obviously love you. Silence is golden.
QMy sister and I do not have a fantastic close supportive relationship and don’t share a meal or anything together. I very rarely see her and she tends to ignore my texts and calls. The only time she contacts me is if she would like a favour. My sister is a little one-sided and doesn’t return the gesture in any way. Should I just accept my sister isn’t interested in doing fun things together with me? LOUISE, VIA EMAIL.
AI get far too many letters about feuding siblings. What happened to ‘blood is thicker than water’? Your sister treats you like a poor relation. Surely you have got the message by now – it’s definitely one-sided. You make all the moves and your sister does not respond. She only contacts you when she needs a favour. Accept your sister is not interested in involving you in her life. Learn to let go of things you cannot control and move on.
QI’m 33 years old and moved in with my boyfriend, who’s 37, three months ago. The thing is, he acts like he’s single and even sometimes goes out for drinks with a woman he says is a friend, but I’m not invited. Should I put my foot down and tell him I want to come along when he sees his female friend? VICKY, VIA EMAIL.
AIs this guy for real? Pity you didn’t sort out a few ground rules before you moved in together. Your boyfriend is no longer an available bachelor and should act accordingly. Certainly put your foot down – I’d do more than that. Going out for drinks with a woman ‘friend’ and you are not invited? Humbug! To think you want to humble yourself by asking to be included in the drinks. You have only been living together for three months – it’s early days. Your boyfriend needs to be pulled into line. No more out-on-the-town without you.