PEOPLE ARE NOT MADE OF MONEY. IT IS FINE TO SAY NO TO INVITATIONS IF YOU HAVEN’T GOT THE CASH, SAYS NENE

Q

A friend has invited me to her hens’ weekend at a spa hotel. It sounds lovely and I’m keen to celebrate with her but it’s very expensive. I’ll also have to pay for hotel accommodation for the wedding – as it’s at a winery – as well as a wedding gift. Most of her other women friends are in high-paying jobs and can easily afford it. Do you think it would be rude to say I won’t be able to make it? TARA, VIA EMAIL.

A

I don’t want to put a dampener on your friend’s wedding but some brides get carried away and before you know it all the guests are required to spend a lot of money on the festivities. Your friend may know women with high-paying jobs but your budget doesn’t stretch to all the events planned before the big day. Honesty is the best policy. You cannot afford the hens’ spa weekend. The accommodation for the wedding will put a dent in your budget and then there’s the gift. Of course it would not be rude to tell her you won’t be attending the spa weekend. She needs to understand that not everyone is made of money. What is rude is that the bride-to-be has not considered that some of the guests may not be able to afford such lavish occasions.

Q

My husband left me a couple of months ago after 10 years of marriage and I’ve been having a very hard time getting over it. After the initial shock, I now want to forget about him (we don’t have children so no need for contact) but his sister keeps wanting to keep in touch with me. As much as I like her, I don’t want to be reminded of my husband. How do I let her know I can’t really continue my friendship with her? BRONWYN, VIA EMAIL.

A

What an insensitive woman. Surely she would know you are hurting after the marriage break-up. Having her hanging around only reminds you of the initial shock. If she calls you, put on the answering machine. She wants to catch up? Say you are busy. Hopefully she won’t land on your doorstep. If she does, tell her seeing her reminds you of an unhappy time.

Q

My brother has stopped talking to my mum and dad as they don’t approve of his new girlfriend. He’s in his late 40s and left his wife for this woman who is 12 years’ younger than him. My parents feel bad for his ex-wife and don’t want to know about the new girlfriend, but that means my brother now won’t talk to them. My parents are in their 70s and my dad is not in good health. It is upsetting both of them to lose contact with my brother. How do I get them all to make up? RITA, DONCASTER, VIC.

A

Your parents need a reality check. Your brother left his wife and has a new girlfriend. It is irrelevant how old the girlfriend is. Obviously your brother was in an unhappy marriage and has moved on. Your parents may feel sorry for his ex, but it takes two to tango – they don’t know what went wrong with the marriage nor is it any of their business. They have no right to criticise your brother’s new girlfriend. It may be upsetting but they have chosen to aggravate the issue.