ALLISON DUBOIS
LOVED ONES CAN SEE HOW MUCH THEY’RE MISSED, SAYS ALLISON
QMy 19-year-old nephew passed away in a car accident in November. All his family are grieving deeply. Is he OK and has he met up with his greatgrandparents? Is he aware of how missed he is, and how his mum is not coping with his loss? Is he able to send her a sign he is around and help her through this horrific tragedy?
Kelli, via email.
AKelli, in my opinion there is no greater tragedy than a young person dying, especially when it’s sudden and there was no time to mentally prepare for their death.
It’s a given that your nephew is with family, both his living family and those who preceded him in death. Your nephew can see the fallout from his death – he sees it every day.
When someone we love dies, we put up an emotional wall for self-protection because we can’t handle anything more than the loss we’ve already suffered.
Signs from your nephew to his mother will more than likely have to be relayed from her friends and family. Her pain is too raw and her wound too recent. It’s not that he’s not around her, she’s just ‘blocked by pain’ right now. When she begins to heal she’ll be more accessible to him. She needs a grief support group so that she can talk to others who can relate to her pain.
Nobody can fully understand the pain of losing a child unless they themselves have lost one.
QThe man I love passed away a few days before Christmas and I’m finding things incredibly difficult. I’ve felt him near me several times, but I get so upset I don’t know if it’s just my hoping it’s him. I’m so confused and just not coping. Does he know I love him? Is he at peace, and does he care for me? We never really expressed ourselves to each other. I believe I know, but I’m just so full of self-doubt. Please help.
ADeidre, via email.
Deidre, your soul recognises his soul, it’s not just you hoping. You really are sensing him. It might help you to cope with the grief if you write down – and then read to him – all of the things you wish you’d told him while he was alive so he can hear you.
He is at peace, returned to all of the loved ones he lost through his life. He’ll find a way of letting you know he’s around.
QAs a little girl, I was removed from my parents. In my teens I formed a relationship with Mum, but it was painful. Mum passed away two years ago and we didn’t get a chance to talk. I’m a single mum with no family now and I’d love to know if she’s around me.
Paige, via email.
APaige, what will help you to heal is to be the mother that you wish you’d had. It’s amazing that we carry the hurt child we were, inside us, through life. You can’t go back in time and fix what was broken in your childhood, but you can pass a better childhood on to your children and break the cycle. Your mother has now reverted to a younger age before her life took a sad turn, a place of contentment. She sees the pain she caused you and will want to make amends. She will be around acting as protection.