NENE KING
DON’T TRY TO CONTROL HOW OTHER PEOPLE CONDUCT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. YOU’LL BE WASTING YOUR TIME, SAYS NENE.
QJust needing some advice on strained family relationships. Do you feel people contact and reply to people they want to talk with? I ask because my brother treats me like I don’t exist. He lives 20 minutes away and there’s no relationship. We had our differences in the past. I tried sending him a card, assuming he received it, but there was no acknowledgement. Would you try sending another card or is there absolutely no point? I haven’t seen my brother for 12 months. He no longer sends me a Christmas or birthday card. It can be difficult to work out why someone stops contact. LUCY, VIA EMAIL.
ASometimes we need to let go. I would put your brother in the too-hard basket. Despite your best efforts there is nothing you seem to do that can save the relationship. It is obvious he is not interested in contacting you. He ignored your card. When people are determined to be negative, no amount of persuasion can convince them to change. Forget sending another card – it’s a waste of time. Concentrate on the people who care about you. Or you could call your brother, let him hear your voice and how you miss him. The personal approach may have more luck than just a card.
QI have been having some personal problems at home recently and it is beginning to affect my work. I’ve been told off a couple of times by my manager but I don’t feel that I can talk to her about what’s happening in my life. I really don’t want to lose my job but I’m not sure who to turn to as I’m also too embarrassed to ask any of my family and friends for advice. JOANNA, VIA EMAIL.
AYou need to get your house in order. Your home life should not affect your work. Your manager has given you a couple of warnings. Being too embarrassed to ask friends and family for advice is nonsense. There must be someone you can talk to. Perhaps you should have a couple of sessions with a psychologist. What is important and needs to be sorted now is not allowing whatever is happening at home to affect your work. You don’t want to lose your job. When I was a boss I was quite happy to listen to staff with problems, but they knew I would not be happy if whatever was going on affected their work. There is nothing embarrassing about having problems, but sort them out and save your job.
QMy sister, who is 39, has taken up with a man who seems to be using her. She owns her own home, has a good job and is very attractive, but is also keen to settle down. This bloke seems to be commitment-shy. He comes and goes as he wants, spending a lot of nights at her place but not contributing, while she waits on him. Should I say something to her? CHRIS, VIA EMAIL.
AIt is none of your business how your sister conducts her love-life. She is not a child and would be well aware of the relationship she has with this man. She knows what she’s doing. You sticking your nose into her life is a no-no. How she conducts her romance obviously suits her. Let nature take its course. Stop judging her – you really don’t know how the romance is progressing. She may love waiting on him. He seems to spend a lot of time with her – that’s a plus. Obviously he cares about her.