SOMETIMES PEOPLE ASK FOR HELP BUT THEY DON’T REALLY WANT IT. HERE, AGONY AUNT NENE TELLS IT LIKE IT REALLY IS

QIs it old-fashioned to expect a man to pay for dinner if he’s the one who asks me out? If I do the asking I’m happy to pay – especially if it’s somewhere expensive. I just think splitting the bill is a mood killer! BELLA, VIA EMAIL.

AYou are on the right track. He asks you to dinner – he pays. You ask him to dinner – you pay. Splitting the bill doesn’t have to be a mood killer though – just make it fun. Your place or mine!

QI started at my present job four years ago, when I returned to the workforce after having my kids. Now I think it is time to move on to a new role – but since my work history is limited, I need my boss to be a referee. Should I tell her I’m looking for work, or just wait and see if someone calls her for a reference? I am worried it might make things awkward in the office. CYNDI, SPRINGFIELD, SA.

AHonesty is the best policy. As a boss, I always preferred my employees to be upfront. It annoyed me to hear news second-hand. Have a chat to your current employer and explain it’s time to move on. Presumably there is nothing on offer at your present company? Hopefully this is acceptable and life in the office will not become too uncomfortable.

QAfter a friend reached out to me and asked for help, I’m trying to encourage her to get fitter and healthier. She’s pretty overweight and I know it gets her down sometimes, but she doesn’t seem willing to change it. There are only so many times I can suggest we exercise together, or that we go out for a nice, healthy salad, because she just shoots me down every time – but I don’t want to give up on her! Any ideas? LEAH, VIA EMAIL.

AYour friend asked for help, most likely to silence you! She knows she is overweight, probably hates her shape, and is not in the mood to be nagged into something she is not ready to do. She is the only person who can remedy the problem. In the meantime understand why your friend ‘shoots you down’. Hopefully she will find motivation, but it won’t come from you. You want to help your friend? Then back off.

QI went through a horrible break-up with my boyfriend after I found out that he’d slept with one of his colleagues during a night out. A couple of months have passed and he’s still trying to beg forgiveness. I really miss him. Should I forgive him and give him another chance? SUZANNA, VIA EMAIL.

AThe deed has been done and the break-up was horrible. You may well miss your boyfriend, but are you understanding enough to forgive and forget? I presume he still works with the colleague which must make you feel uncomfortable – not a pleasant thought! You will need to be strong. The fact your boyfriend was unfaithful will not go away. Think carefully before you give him another chance. Trust should be the big decider.