ALLISON DUBOIS
OPEN UP AND LET IN SIGNS FROM THE OTHER SIDE SAYS ALLISON
QMy husband died of cancer six years ago and some days I feel lost and alone. Is my husband out of pain and with his dad? Did he really love me? It’s been in my head for a long time. We had our days and I still love and miss him. I talk to him every day and say goodnight to them both. Can he hear me? Will he be waiting for me?
Irene, via email.
AIrene, feeling lost and alone after losing a spouse is normal. When someone dies it leaves a hole in the fabric of our lives. I’m not sure why you’re asking if he really loves you. You have to know in your heart that he did. Of course your husband can hear you. He can see you too. Everything that you tell him, he absorbs. Try meditating, it helps you to hear his answers to your questions. Your husband will wait for you, in the meantime, he visits with all of the loved ones he lost throughout his life. He’ll work hard to get through to you.
When a loss is still so raw, our wall of self-protection can prevent us from hearing them. The more that you talk to him about all of the good times you had together, the thinner the veil becomes. Pain can act as a barrier between us and them, as it renders you deaf to them and blind to their signs. So, if you can find a way to connect with him on a soul level, reminiscing about moments that you created together, he will have a far easier time reaching you.
The pain will always be somewhere inside of you, but the joy you experienced is there too.
QI have read your books and enjoyed reading your column over the years and hope that you might be able to offer some insight into my concern. My daughter passed away (she took her life) three months ago and, as a sole parent, she left behind a four-year-old daughter who is now in my full-time care. While she had been unwell for some time (with mental health issues) we were at a stage where things were looking brighter. Did she believe this was the only way to find peace? As there is no father and therefore no other grandparents, my concerns are for my granddaughter. Will I maintain good health to care for her long term?
Concerned Grandma.
AConcerned Grandma, people who pass from suicide often feel like their loved ones are better off without them – that somehow your life will be easier without them. We know that’s not what we want but they’re in so much pain that’s how they feel. People with mental illness can find it difficult to think clearly and are more likely to commit suicide. Your daughter’s energy is balanced now, so she’s free from the imbalance that imprisoned her mind. She’ll watch over you and her daughter trying to protect you both.
Know that your daughter loves you and she loves her daughter. Unfortunately, love isn’t always enough to keep people here when every day is a struggle for them to simply exist. You will be fine, you may be tired from stress but you will find your stride.
Please let your granddaughter know how special she is and that her mother wanted her. Life can be challenging, but I hope you find comfort in your sweet granddaughter knowing she carries in her heart the best parts of your daughter.