ALLISON DUBOIS
SOMETIMES DEATH HIGHLIGHTS ISSUES IN LIFE, SAYS ALLISON
Q My husband passed away eight years ago. I’ve met another man whom my son hates. He doesn’t want me to be with this person as I’m not divorced, so he thinks in his eyes I’m still married. I need to know if my husband feels the same way?
Sandra, via email.
A Sandra, your kids’ happiness is up to them now. When they were little you made decisions for them so their happiness was in your hands. They are now in control of their destiny. It feels to me like your son is trying to control you by guilting you in to doing what he wants. He’d rather you be alone and unhappy than with someone and enjoying your life, which is kind of selfish. Your son won’t like anyone you’re with unless it benefits him somehow, so please don’t listen too much to him. Your husband would want you to be happy, even if it means being with someone else. For now, live every day as though it was your last and love big. I know that as a mother you want your kids to be happy, but, when kids don’t want anyone else in the picture because they don’t want to share you, well, that’s self-serving.
Q I am 46 this November and recently separated from my husband. I have moved on, but am I ever going to find my Mr Right? I had one failed 20-year relationship where he was a verbal and alcoholic abuser. Then, in my next relationship I married a drug user. Is there someone out there that who will love me, respect me, be faithful to me and just be there to stand proudly by my side?
Pamela, via email.
A Pamela, my sense is that you try and see the good in people and you want to believe what they tell you is true. You have to develop a nose for people who manipulate others, and use their charm to distract you from using your mind. We don’t always see clearly when we’re in love. You’re in a different place in life now and it’s OK to be alone. You don’t need a man to give you worth.
Q My father passed away in 2007, his body was found that Christmas. I’ve had a lot of dreams about him – I was following him into different realms until I could no longer go higher. Is there any reconciliation with the family? Will they ever apologise for the way I was treated or is it better for me to move on?
Megs, via email.
A Megs, your dreams are your dad’s way of telling you that he’s in a place that you’re not ready for yet. Death often divides families because people can get greedy and spiteful, it’s really sad. In my experience, apologies come at another family member’s funeral or when a crisis occurs and people can put their egos aside. For now, move on and don’t beat yourself up over other people’s issues. It’s their own inner garbage and has nothing to do with you. People need someone to blame when they’re hurting.