WHY FAILURE IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS

WITH MUM-OFTWO AND SOCIAL COMMENTATOR ANGELA MOLLARD

So many parents today want superstar children. Whether they’re top of their class, a state athlete, a talented musician or have a Youtube following of one million at the age of 14, it seems there’s no room left for being average.

Of course, we all want our kids to succeed but overparenting and cushioning kids from disappointment is doing them no favours, say experts.

When we don’t allow kids to fail, we leave them helpless, according to Jessica Lahey, author of The Gift Of Failure. As she says: ‘Today’s overprotective, failure-avoidant style has undermined the competence, independence and academic potential of an entire generation.’

Children are wired to explore their world, and make mistakes and messes along the way, but when we act as ‘lawnmower parents’ – mowing down all the obstacles and challenges in front of them – we strip them of the ability to learn from their errors.

As parenting author Maggie Dent observes: ‘Learning what it feels like to lose or not get what you want is a part of becoming emotionally competent.’

So how can we teach our children it’s fine to fail? DON’T PROTECT KIDS FROM LOW-RISK CONSEQUENCES If they forget their lunch box, let them find a solution themselves. If they mess up on a test because they failed to study, allow them to feel disappointed in themselves. REMEMBER THAT INTELLIGENCE IS MALLEABLE The harder kids work to overcome challenges, the smarter they become. LET THEM PURSUE THEIR OWN GOALS, NOT YOURS Kids who are driven to do things they like will stick with activities rather than have to be coerced into doing them. TALK ABOUT FAILURE AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GROW Chat about the experience and what they might do differently the next time. LET THEM SIT WITH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS If we try to cheer them up or say something doesn’t matter, we remove the opportunity to learn that disappointment, anger and frustration is normal. PRAISE THEM FOR THEIR EFFORT, NOT THEIR RESULTS When we over-praise kids, they lose their drive to achieve for themselves. PLAY GAMES Whether it’s board games, beach cricket or hide and seek, learning to win and lose is vital. LET THEM ATTEMPT TASKS THEMSELVES Every time we say: ‘Here, let me do that for you,’ we take away an opportunity for them to feel capable.