PEOPLE WHO LEAVE US NEED TO BE FORGIVEN, SAYS ALLISON

QMy 24-year-old son passed away 10 months ago – he took his own life and still I don’t know why. He has a three-year-old son and I have been paying $7000 for family law advice. I’m a single mother working long hours to pay for his funeral and the solicitor. Will I get a good outcome and is my son happy? Is he with his grandparents? I struggle every day... I feel so empty without him.

Tracey, via email.

ATracey, there’s no greater loss than losing a child. My deepest condolences. Usually, a chemical imbalance is part of the problem of suicide. Some people try to self-medicate which only makes them more depressed, more suicidal. When someone has a child it adds great pressure and stress, financially, physically, mentally etc. Someone who’s already struggling to navigate life can become overwhelmed.

Most parents who commit suicide and leave children behind truly feel that their children are better off without them. They’re afraid of disappointing or letting their child down and they pass the baton to people who they believe are stronger than them and can give their child a better life. They don’t leave us because they don’t love us enough, they exit because they feel pain just in their everyday existence. They don’t feel like they belong here. Often, they never felt like they belonged here.

Some families find it hard to understand because their loved one has moments of being really happy and then not so happy, that’s what bipolar can look like. When it’s an extreme teetertotter of emotions, you don’t always recognise a problem. We choose to only see the person when they’re laughing and having fun with friends. Not when they lock themselves in their room and don’t leave the house for days.

Your son is with his grandparents and has peace of mind now, he’s no longer tormented by his inner dialogue. Talk to your son, he’s around you, tell him what you need from him. Tell him that you know he wasn’t in a good place before he died and you forgive him. People who pass from suicide need to hear those words. Your court case will ultimately benefit you – you just need to be patient.

QMy mum passed away almost two months ago and it was so unexpected and so sudden. One moment she was here – although feeling tired – the next she was in hospital and gone in a week and a half with leukaemia. It is still so hard to believe that she is gone. I miss her but I hope she has finally found her freedom and happiness as she suffered anxiety and depression for many years. Can you tell me, is my mum finally at peace?

Maria, via email.

AMaria, thank God, your mum didn’t have a drawn-out battle with cancer. You wouldn’t have wanted her to suffer. Yes, your mother feels restored now, free from everything that burdened her mind and her poor body. She’s young again, thriving and reliving the happiest days of her life. She’d want you to be happy and she won’t leave you until she feels as though you’re okay.

Life is short, so make yours count – take risks on love, travel and follow your passions in life. You’ll see your mother again, but for now she’ll try to let you know that she’s still around.