‘EVERYONE DESERVES LOVE’
MYNISSA AND MATTHEW DIDN’T LET DOWN SYNDROME STOP THEM WALKING DOWN THE AISLE
It’s a landmark event that brings tears to the eyes of parents the world over – and it was just so with Vicki and Henry Cope. Under a blue, sunny sky in Rockhampton Botanic Gardens to the soundtrack of Angels Brought Me Here by Guy Sebastian, they watched their daughter Mynissa, dressed head-to-toe in white, exchange rings with her husband-to-be Matthew, while a crowd of family and wellwishers looked on.
An idyllic wedding by any standards, these nuptials were different from most. Both the bride and groom were born with Down syndrome.
Talking to New Idea ahead of their daughter’s fourth wedding anniversary in September, recollections of the special day are still clearly emotional for 69-year-old Vicki and her husband, Henry, 66.
‘We didn’t even think she would ever find love, let alone get married,’ reflects Henry. ‘We thought she’d be living with us for the rest of our lives.’
Though they only wed close to four years ago, the couple have known one another most of their lives. Matthew attended the same special school, but it wasn’t until they finished their studies that their friendship deepened, becoming something else 12 years ago when Matthew asked permission to take Mynissa out on a date. But amid her daughter’s excitement, her folks became nervous at the prospect of something they had never considered: that their ‘little girl’ would have a relationship.
‘Things got serious very quickly,’ says Vicki. ‘Soon they started talking marriage, but we dismissed it as just “talk” thinking that they’d soon tire of it. But they kept bringing it up, alongside moving in together.’
Mynissa tells New Idea that Matthew ‘is funny and cares
about me’.
‘He understands me and looks after me when I am sick. When I am upset he tickles my feet,’ she adds.
But her parents were cautious about the pair’s union. ‘We put lots of hurdles in their way that they had to jump over before they could get married,’ admits Henry.
‘Matthew agreed to hold down a job for a year before we had a trial of them living together and, sure enough, a year later they moved in.’
Their home is a two-bedroom unit in a block of four specifically built for disabled occupants, complete with a deck, small kitchen and dining room. And in the years since, Mynissa, now 34, and Matthew, 31, are well and truly in the rhythm of married life.
‘He is the tidy one,’ Mynissa explains of her hubby – who calls her his ‘foxy lady’. ‘She is good to me and makes me lunch,’ Matthew says of his wife. ‘I love her and she is beautiful.’
And Vicki says the couple complement each other perfectly.
‘Every day they have activities: Monday evening is bowling, Tuesday is after-work shopping, Wednesday they have a carer coming in to help with the cooking and housework, Thursday night is the gym, and Friday is usually a movie. On the weekend they’re usually out or have friends over.’
A packed social life aside, another key ingredient in the success of their relationship is good old-fashioned love.
‘They’re very involved with each other and very protective,’ says Henry. ‘If one gets upset, the other is there to help with cuddles and comfort. There’s no cooling off that we can see in their relationship, even after four years of marriage.’
Clearly very capable of looking after themselves, the couple have become so independent that weeks now go by where Vicki and Henry will only get ‘phone calls’ from Mynissa, but ultimately that is their goal, as they contemplate the day when they will no longer be there to help look after them.
One of these parental responsibilities was educating Mynissa about contraception and family planning. Since then, they’ve also been on hand to advise the lovebirds about the realities of becoming parents themselves.
‘At one stage they have talked about having kids,’ concedes Vicki. ‘Mynissa’s sister has children and they see couples on their favourite TV shows having them too... at the end of the day, what they want is the same as anyone else, but we just don’t feel that they have the ability to look after kids. We’ve told both her and Matthew how much work is involved and that it’s 24/7. Thankfully, we think they’re now happy as they are.’
In fact, Vicki thinks Mynissa and Matthew are very lucky.
‘So many young people with disabilities are incredibly lonely. If she hadn’t met Matthew, she’d probably spend her time alone here watching TV. Unfortunately, it isn’t even an expectation that Down syndrome sufferers will have relationships, which isn’t really fair.’
Thankfully then, Mynissa and Matthew’s union has led to a ‘revolution’ among their friends – which snowballed into two of their mates entering relationships, with one even suggesting that marriage could be on the cards.
‘Even parents who would never have previously considered a relationship for their children are now coming round to the idea that it’s not a bad thing,’ says Vicki. ‘There’s an overprotectiveness that many parents with disabled kids have and – looking back – I realise that we mollycoddled Mynissa a bit, far more than we should have.
‘People can be cruel and you want to protect your child. It’s enough that they’re dealing with a disability, you don’t want them to deal with anything on top of that.’
While neither Vicki or Henry consider the couple consciously courageous, the fact that they both followed their hearts has done a lot to remove the stigma attached to not just Down syndrome couples, but any disabled person in a relationship.
‘They just want what everyone else has and why shouldn’t they?’ asks Henry. ‘Mynissa and Matthew basically have the same expectations and desires from life as the rest of us. No-one should be lonely. That’s our main takeaway from all of this – that everyone, no matter who they are, deserves love.’