N EN E K IN G

KNOW WHICH PROBLEMS ARE YOURS TO SOLVE AND WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP, SAYS OUR RESIDENT AGONY AUNT, NENE.

QMy dad is nearly 90 and is in a lot of pain with his hip. He often refuses to take his pain medication because he says it makes him feel sick, but when he’s in pain he takes it out on my poor mum who just sits there and has to tolerate it. I get so cross with both of them. I feel like my dad should look after himself and not take it out on my mum, and my mum should speak up more. I’ve tried talking to them but am at a loss as to what to do. MARY, BRISBANE, QLD.

AYour parents are old and trying to change the situation is a lost cause. I presume your father could not have a hip operation. My neighbour, who is 91, recently had a hip operation and is a new person. I wonder if your father takes his medication with food. If he doesn’t, it will make him feel sick. You could look into arranging a district nurse to come by regularly to give him his medication. Your local council will have options on offer. Unfortunately your mother is in the firing line. She is sensible to ignore the rants. Your father’s pain causes him to be angry and unreasonable. It is so important to get your father to take his medication – the difference in his demeanour will be obvious to everyone.

QOur neighbour who lives in a top-floor apartment plays his music so loud it makes the walls shake. We’ve been up there to tell him more than once but he still does it. One of our other neighbours is an elderly lady who is probably too scared to confront him. Should we call the police? He’ll know it’s us and we are worried he will make life even more difficult for us. This man obviously has no respect for anyone else. RACHEL, DONCASTER, VIC.

AThe best approach to a noisy neighbour is to talk to them and work out a solution. Neighbourhood problems can be upsetting and generate a lot of emotion. When talking to your noisy neighbour stay calm and explain how the problem is affecting you. Give your neighbour the chance to tell his side of the problem. Be constructive and try to work out a solution together. If the noise continues, or you need advice on how to approach your neighbour, contact a dispute settlement centre, which is a free service funded by the Victorian Government. It’s a valuable resource for advice and mediation services to help resolve tricky neighbour disputes.

QI went to a baby massage class and the teacher had a perfume on that made my newborn son come out in a rash. I didn’t say anything, but now I don’t want to take him back. Should I tell her? MAGDA, VIA EMAIL.

AI presume you know it was the teacher’s perfume that caused the rash. The class was great – pity to have to give it up. I would make light of the problem. No harm in telling the teacher about the perfume. Hopefully she will be understanding and not wear it when you are in the class. Tell her you enjoy the sessions and hate to be a pest but ask if she could hold her classes perfume-free.