AL­LI­SON DUBOIS

WHEN LOVED ONES PASS THEY ARE STILL IN OUR DAILY LIVES

New Idea - - New Travel -

QMy sis­ter Allyson Jane passed away on April 30 this year af­ter be­ing di­ag­nosed the pre­vi­ous Oc­to­ber with ter­mi­nal can­cer. It was such a short time we had to­gether af­ter her di­ag­no­sis. She never spoke about her sit­u­a­tion to me even though we lived to­gether and I asked her to talk many times. I am still in­cred­i­bly sad and miss her so much. I would love to hear some­thing from her. I be­lieve in life af­ter death.

Les­ley, via email.

ALes­ley, I’m so sorry for your loss. Peo­ple who pass from can­cer of­ten like to send birds as a sign to let you know that they’re around you and free from the body that be­trayed them. The type of bird is usu­ally sym­bolic of their per­son­al­ity. You’re al­ways go­ing to miss your sis­ter.

When my dad died it helped me to re­mem­ber that every day I wake up is a bless­ing. You’re not mov­ing away from your sis­ter or leav­ing her in the past, you’re mov­ing towards see­ing her again every day be­cause she’s part of your fu­ture.

Your sis­ter still wants to be part of your life. She gets to live through you every time you do some­thing that makes you happy. Talk to your sis­ter, rem­i­nisce about mem­o­ries of the two of you from child­hood and your younger re­bel­lious years, she’ll love that. I know it isn’t fair when peo­ple die pre­ma­turely, it’s hard to ac­cept that they’re ours on loan. Your sis­ter would want you to know that she loves you very much.

QI was won­der­ing if you could hear from my dad, who died on Feb. 27, 1984. I miss him ter­ri­bly and I won­der if he knew how much he was, and still is, loved. As a fam­ily it was never said. Is he proud of my boys and how we looked af­ter mum?

Karen, via email.

AKaren, no mat­ter how much time passes af­ter some­one dies they con­tinue to be with those they love and that in­cludes the liv­ing. I’ve brought through peo­ple who didn’t say ‘I love you’ a lot in life but they felt it. Your dad knows how much you love him and he would tell you he wished he’d said it more in life. Peo­ple of­ten re­gret not spread­ing those words around more of­ten. We can all learn some­thing from them.

As for your boys, he’s part of their lives too, of course he’s proud! You’re daddy’s lit­tle girl still. Ev­ery­thing you do with him in mind, he sees.

QI have can­cer and was with a man I met at my hospi­tal stay. We were to­gether for three months, then he passed away in March last year. I miss him so much. I know he is strongly around me. How do I con­nect more with him? Is he miss­ing me?

Kathy, via email.

AKathy, you made the last three months of his life some­thing spe­cial and that’s a gift. It’s hard for the de­ceased to miss us be­cause they’re with us all the time. The more you talk to him the stronger your spir­i­tual con­nec­tion will get. If you have a pic­ture of him when he was healthy that helps. Of­ten the men­tal im­age of a loved one when they’re sick blocks us from be­ing able to see them be­cause we’re so scarred by the mem­ory. When they talk to us it’s like telepa­thy – we hear them in our head. Lis­ten, it re­ally is him. HAVE A QUES­TION FOR AL­LI­SON? Email des­tiny@newidea.com.au

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