FAMILIES MIGHT HAVE THE BEST OF INTENTIONS, BUT THEY NEED TO RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES, SAYS NENE
QI need some advice on how to deal with grandparents visiting too often. I am seven months pregnant and have a 2-year-old girl with my lovely husband. I’m very lucky that my mum and dad look after my little girl twice a week to allow me to do part-time work. The problem is, apart from those work days, one of them will visit me almost every day while my hubby is working. And separately, my mother-in-law wants her time with our child too. Midweek dinners are most annoying as they watch my girl have a bath before bed and leave me to do all the cleaning up. I’ve tried seeing them only on the days I work, or doing joint family dinners on the weekend, but I get snide remarks like: “My grandchild has forgotten me”. I am feeling really smothered and fed up. My parents and mother-in-law all get along but they prefer to see us separately. With a new baby on the way I don’t think I can handle it much longer, even though their intentions are good as they adore our family. Any advice? Hubby is a gentle soul and has trouble speaking up about anything. JO, VIA EMAIL.
AWhat a tangled web we weave. It occurs to me no-one is thinking about your feelings and, more importantly, your health. Dropping in every day is not on. You need quiet time. Your parents look after your little girl twice a week and the mother-inlaw needs her own special day. That does not mean every day. All this family friction is not good. You are seven months pregnant and don’t need this angst. They should understand you don’t need family dropping in every day. Your lovely husband needs a quiet word with his parents so they stop dropping in. The in-laws may have good intentions but they are outstaying their welcome. Give them a day to visit. Family dinners at weekends are too much for you in your condition. No-one, and that includes your husband, is thinking of you. Set some new ground rules. You need quiet time with your husband and little girl. Your letter is a cry for help. I couldn’t believe how thoughtless everyone is being.
QI’ve been on a diet for six months and have lost quite a bit of weight, which I’m delighted about. Now I’ve bought new clothes and I’m feeling really good about myself and proud of my efforts. However, my husband doesn’t seem to be as happy as I am. He keeps saying he preferred the old cuddly me. What can I do? I don’t want to put weight back on after all my hard work. BRONWYN, VIA EMAIL.
AWhen I joined a slimming program, I kept hearing the same complaints from most of the women. Their husbands were not happy about their weight loss. They felt threatened. Their wives looked terrific. They were confident, there was a skip in their step, and they were no longer hiding because they felt fat. Be proud of yourself. Your husband is being selfish and feels insecure that you might run off with a toy boy! Do not even contemplate becoming cuddly again. Your husband needs to come to terms with your new look.