How to help your teen DEAL WITH A BREAK-UP

REASSURING WORDS FOR HEALING THE FIRST HEARTBREAK WITH MUM-OFTWO AND SOCIAL COMMENTATOR ANGELA MOLLARD

There’s plenty more fish in the sea.” “You’ll get over it.” “It’s not like you were going to marry him/her.” If one of those phrases has come out of your mouth when your teenager is dealing with a relationship break-up then you need to read on.

Because if you think your child has just endured a textbook case of puppy love, then you may not be adequately attuned to what they are feeling.

So, what can you do when your child’s first romantic relationship comes to an end?

VALIDATE YOUR TEEN’S FEELINGS

Minimising your child’s emotions simply because you didn’t think the relationship would last is no comfort and will switch your teen off speaking to you. Instead reiterate that what they’re going through is hard and sad and that it hurts because it meant something.

SUPPORT THEIR DECISION BUT DON’T OFFER COMMENTARY

If your child ended the relationship, chances are they will still be upset about it. Let them know you support their choices and don’t get drawn into making comments like: “He/she wasn’t right for you anyway.” Likewise, don’t go on about how much you liked their boyfriend/girlfriend.

LISTEN

Your child will go through several stages of grief and you simply need to encourage them to open up. Treat them gently and don’t forget how soothing affection can be when they’re all at sea.

HAVE A GENTLE CHAT ABOUT TECHNOLOGY

In the heat of the moment they may want to update their social media status but encourage them to take their time and think of the other person. Talk about not badmouthing their ex and encourage them to treat the other person with dignity and kindness.

STICK TO ROUTINES

While it’s tempting to distract them with outings, hurt needs to be felt so teens ultimately learn they are resilient and can cope with heartbreak. Be quietly available but make sure they still attend sports practices and help out round the house.

ACCEPT THERE WILL BE BAD DAYS

Just when you think they’re getting over their heartbreak, they’ll dissolve into floods of tears. It may be when they see their ex with someone else or they might see a romantic movie which starts the tears falling. Don’t expect too much too soon.

GET HELP IF NECESSARY

If your teen’s feelings are overwhelming or there are signs they may be suffering from depression, it might be necessary to seek help. Speak to your GP for a referral to a mental health professional.

“IF YOU’RE A FATHER, WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING IS JUST HAVING TIME WITH YOUR KIDS. I HAVE REGRETS THAT I’VE BEEN AWAY FROM MY KIDS FOR WORK. IN SOME WAYS IT WAS BEYOND MY CONTROL, BUT ALSO THERE ARE TIMES I WISH I’D SAID

NO TO PROJECTS AND JUST STAYED HOME.’ Woody Harrelson, actor and father of three.