HOW TO SURVIVE THE TEENAGE YEARS

Caregivers are faced with a host of new parenting challenges as their children become teenagers. Associate professor and executive director of Raising Children (raisingchildren.net.au) Julie Green says this period of “huge change” can be an adjustment for both teens and their parents.

“Teenagers have the job of developing into independent adults and they do this by testing boundaries and the reactions to that behaviour,” Julie explains.

“As a result parents might see their child show strong feelings, intense emotions, physical changes, and shifts in relationships and how they view things, particularly with family.”

Here Julie shares some advice to better equip parents to guide their teenagers through this challenging life stage.

BIOLOGICAL AND DEVELOPMENTAL SHIFTS

Changes during adolescence refers to more than just the physical body developments of puberty.

“Brain remodelling happens intensively during this time,” Julie says. “The ability to plan and think about the consequences of actions is under development, as is the ability to problem solve and control impulses.”

For many teens, this may play out as dramatic emotional or behavioural changes – particularly towards parents. This may also be accompanied by an increased awareness of one’s self and the need to fit in around peers.

UNDERSTANDING THE ‘REBEL’ TEEN

The notion of a teenager being constantly at odds with their parents has a ring of truth. But despite seeming resistant, teens still need to feel nurtured and protected by their parents.

“Family gives teens a secure base where they can feel loved and accepted, supported to choose healthy risks, and are a source of care and emotional support.”

Julie emphasises the importance of keeping the lines of communication open by ‘‘really listening’’ when your teen speaks; whether it’s about their interests, relationships or areas of concern. “Staying connected and involved in a teenager’s life can help parents learn more about how their teen child is coping.”

This lays a platform when it comes to broaching more uncomfortable subject matters.

“Try to stay calm, listen, and avoid being critical or judgemental,” Julie says.

SETTING THE BOUNDARIES

Rule setting may seem like a losing battle with a teenager, but Julie argues that it’s helpful for defining limits. Julie encourages rule negotiation with your teenager or even revisiting certain rules over time. “That way, teenagers are more likely to stick to what’s been agreed, or accept the consequences if they don’t.”

Conflicts may result as boundaries are tested – but Julie says it’s important to pick your battles.

“Be flexible about little issues and save arguments for things that truly matter, like safety. And always let teenagers have their say,” Julie says.

“If you have to say no, say it in a calm, understanding and respectful way.”