I SAW MY FATHER KILL MY MOTHER
DONNA-LEIGH IS USING HER TRAUMATIC PAST TO HELP OTHERS OVERCOME THEIR OWN ADVERSITY
At the tender age of 7, Donna-leigh Perfect witnessed something no child – or adult – ever should. “I woke to my mum’s piercing screams. My father was yelling and swearing. I remember stepping into the hallway and seeing my father chasing my mum down the staircase with a knife,” Donna exclusively tells New Idea.
“Mum reached the sliding door and I remember him driving the knife deep into her back. She opened the door and stumbled out along the side path of the house. Then she collapsed to the ground.”
Though 46 years have passed since the terrible day her father, Stanley Robert Perfect, killed her mother, Alison Doreen Perfect in 1973, the memory is still raw for this 53-year-old mum of two.
“I was hysterical. I remember screaming and crying. My siblings and I were taken to a cousin’s house. I was sitting in the lounge room and I remember hearing on the radio that a woman had been murdered in Avondale. I was thinking, ‘That’s my mother. Is this real? Is this a nightmare? Am I going to wake from this?’” Donna says. “It was so surreal. I was 7 years old. I wasn’t supposed to see or hear my mum take her last breath.”
Stanley Perfect was convicted of the manslaughter of Alison in Auckland Supreme Court. A jury acquitted him of murder on the grounds of provocation when they learnt he’d caught his wife having an affair.
Donna-leigh spent the next five years in foster care – often separated from her three siblings – flitting between 13 different homes.
“Making friends was extremely difficult. There was no kind of counselling or anything like that,” she says.
Donna recalls many incidents of bullying and abuse in the following years. One violent alcoholic who was supposed to be looking after her whipped her with his belt until she bled when she was just 8 years old.
Another cruel guardian told Donna she didn’t deserve nice things because no-one cared about her. Already vulnerable, Donna was crushed.
“I felt abandoned. I felt like nobody wanted me, nobody loved me. I just wished for a normal life,” she says.
Stanley served just four years in prison and was released when Donna was 12 years old.
When authorities gave her the choice of staying in foster care or returning to live with her dad, she chose to go back home to be reunited with her siblings.
“No matter how dysfunctional it was, it was a family,” she explains.
For the next five years Donna walked on eggshells. She never dared bring up her mother for fear of what her father – who slept with a knife next to his bed – might do. “I didn’t feel safe because I knew what he was capable of. I’d witnessed it.”
Stanley died when Donna was 17. “I felt sad for the loss of a father I wished I could have had. I was also relieved I had peace.” Finally free, the young woman vowed to make something of herself.
Although she’d already dropped out of school, Donna had inherited an interest in fashion from her mum and after taking evening classes, she got an apprenticeship in clothing and textiles.
“I was so determined,” Donna recalls. “I threw myself into study and won the apprentice of the year award.”
It was a life-changing moment for Donna.
“Those results were a big, big deal for me. I started to believe in myself and I got some self-confidence and self-esteem that I’d never really had. That was very empowering.”
Another pivotal moment in Donna’s recovery came in her early 20s. Finding herself in a dark place after a relationship breakdown, she picked up the phone and called Lifeline.
As well as over-the-phone support, she worked through her childhood trauma with a counsellor in person.
“It was a two-year process. I did some hypnotherapy as well, some cognitive behavioural therapy, tapping, and all sorts of stuff. I went down this road of really investing in myself and in my own mental health,” she says.
The help she received was so life changing that Donna undertook six months of training so she could become a Lifeline volunteer counsellor herself.
“Being on the phones for two years, serving and giving back, that was very rewarding for me.”
After moving to the Gold Coast from her native New Zealand, Donna met her nowhusband Michael Bennett, 57.
“He was just completely blown away by how together I was, and how normal I was, despite having such a traumatic upbringing,” Donna says.
It was then Donna had an epiphany. If she could use her experiences to help others, her mother’s death wouldn’t be completely in vain.
Today Donna is a soughtafter public speaker and author.
“It’s my mission to inspire self-belief, build resilience and empower people to believe in themselves. I tell people ‘overcoming adversity is my university’,” she smiles.
• To find out more about Donna, go to: donna-leighperfect.com