CASS THORBURN ‘WHAT I WISH I KNEW THEN’
THE MOTHER OF THREE AND CO-HOST OF THE NEW DIVORCE STORY PODCAST IS EMBRACING HER LATEST CHAPTER
As Cass Thorburn knows all too well, “There’s no rulebook, no manual and, chances are, you have no idea what to do” when a marriage ends.
But for the Sydney mother of three – who found herself unexpectedly thrust into the spotlight when her 21-year marriage to Today show co-host Karl Stefanovic ended in 2016 – starting over has ultimately been a time of self-discovery, resilience and, surprisingly, joy.
“I think anyone who goes through a divorce starts to realise that they’re much stronger than they ever thought they were,” says Cass. “Being on your own and embracing independence is empowering.”
Certainly, too, Cass could not be more excited about her latest project, co-hosting the engaging and informative podcast Divorce Story with writer-broadcaster Annaliese Dent.
It’s a show, she says simply, “about how to survive and hopefully thrive after separation”.
New Idea sat down with Cass to find out more.
Tell us about Divorce Story.
The podcast is advice from experts and professionals on how to separate successfully. When we say ‘separate successfully’, everybody has a different divorce story – both for men and women. We hear their stories during each podcast and what they learnt during the process that might help others. I’m really excited about it.
Why do you believe it’s such an important podcast?
It’s about a topic that is fairly taboo – and it shouldn’t be. The focus was to get people talking about it – to get men and women, who both get devastated by divorce, to think positively about it and to take action.
You talk in the podcast about the ‘grief’ of divorce …
I believe, having been through a divorce, that the biggest grief to deal with is the end of the marriage – not getting over the person that you’re divorcing. For me, [the marriage] was the
majority of my adult life. So you have to grieve that, and that’s what we’re encouraging people to do as well.
Your story has been an extremely public one. Did you have any reservations about the podcast?
A lot of what has been reported about ‘my story’ isn’t my story. So there were no reservations for me. I’m taking control of this chapter now, rather than having things written that just aren’t right. This is an opportunity for me to talk to experts and other people who have been through divorce, and to provide information about the actual reality of it. Am I talking about myself in the podcast? No, but some of the questions that I ask no doubt come from the experience that I had going through it.
How important it is to look after your mental health?
I think it’s extremely important. You have to look after yourself. You have to remember there’s not just the divorce; there’s not just the children; there’s also you. And if you’re not feeling well, then how can anyone else?
How is life now?
It’s exciting. It’s selfexploration and it’s personal goal-setting. I’ve tried to stay focused on what’s important to me and ignore all the noise, which is what was misrepresented.
On a lighter note, one of the episodes is titled ‘Online Dating 101 and Getting Back on the Horse’. Have you begun dating again?
I think you’ll have to listen to the podcast on dating to get the answer to that! [Laughs]
Another episode is called ‘What I know now, I wish I knew then’. What’s your personal take on this?
I guess I would have shown my ex-husband how to get grass stains out of the boys’ cricket whites, because that would have been handy! [Laughs]
But, seriously though, I would tell myself when I was devastated by the separation that it’s an opportunity to write your own new life chapter.
I’d also tell myself that I’m enough – we’re all enough.
Don’t expend energy wondering why something happened. Focus your energy on what you can control in your life.
Above all else, the message is an overwhelmingly positive one then …
Yes, the podcast is focused on the fact that divorce may be a chapter you didn’t foresee, but don’t see it as a complete negative. See it also as an opportunity to take control of the next chapter of your life. Marriage is a new chapter, starting a family is another chapter, and divorce is just another chapter.