CORONAVIRUS: DRIVEN TO ADDICTION
As bottle shops enjoy a roaring trade, former alcoholic Renee Claire Hargreaves has a warning for stressedout Aussies: “This is not the time to be creating bad habits.”
At her lowest ebb, Renee was drinking two bottles of wine a night, abusing pain medication and she was also addicted to online shopping.
“Anything that would numb the pain,” the 32-year-old mum of two tells New Idea.
Renee says her problems stemmed from childhood trauma and sexual abuse, which caused her to feel worthless.
“I couldn’t look in the mirror without looking myself up and down. I disliked myself so much,” she admits.
With millions of Aussies facing unemployment, crippling debt, and being isolated from their loved ones, experts fear the pandemic could lead to a spike in alcohol consumption.
“Being in a confined environment, under stress and maybe having concerns around one’s future, financials, security or work – these are all factors that pose considerable risk for vulnerable people,” Professor Michael Farrell, director of the National Drugs and Alcohol Research Centre, told the ABC.
Renee adds: “In our society it is so normal to have a drink, but it is not a quick fix for the situation. In fact, it will do more harm than good.
“If we use it as a void filler because we are in fear, what happens when things settle?
“Facing my emotions was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but also the best.”
Ten years ago, Renee’s life was spiralling dangerously out of control, but to the outside world she appeared to have everything together.
“People who knew me back then had no idea. During the
day, I was bubbly, bright Renee. I was always a high achiever,” Renee says. “It was all behind closed doors.”
Even Renee’s husband, Dan, 32, had no idea how bad things were.
“He was drinking with me, but not to excess like me. He didn’t really know the full extent of it as I would hide it.
“I was ashamed and embarrassed and didn’t want to admit it to myself, let alone him.”
At the time, Renee worked in sales. But as soon as the clock struck 5pm, getting wasted was the only thing on her mind.
“I couldn’t wait for that 5pm hit. I couldn’t understand how people went home after work and didn’t drink. I used to look forward to it so much because it meant that I didn’t have to feel what was truly going on,” says the mum of Lyla, 7, and Ruby, 4.
Drink and pain pills weren’t Renee’s only vices; thanks to a shopping addiction, the Gold Coast mum ran up $40,000 worth of debt.
“I could spend thousands in a week. I would buy shoes, clothes, supplements,” she admits. “You name it, if it could emotionally fulfil me or allow me to feel better I would buy it. I would put overseas trips on credit cards and take loans.
“I had a good job and appeared to have it all. Yet I was drowning in debt and moving money from card to card.”
Renee says her path of selfdestruction started in her teens.
“It was like a pressure cooker; it had stacked on top of itself over and over as the years passed.”
The catalyst for change eventually came three years ago, when her eldest daughter was 4.
“Lyla started to develop many of the behaviours I recognised in myself. She was screaming for attention. I could see she was doubting herself, the way I had my whole life,” Renee says.
“I realised that if I kept going, she would follow suit just like I had. I decided that enough was enough and this stopped at me.”
Renee reached out to a life coach for help.
“This worked for me because it got to the root cause,” she says.
“It all came back to me wanting to be seen and heard because I didn’t feel good enough. This had been around for a very long time – since
“PEOPLE WHO KNEW ME BACK THEN HAD NO IDEA, IT WAS ALL BEHIND CLOSED DOORS”
childhood. Once we went in and cleaned up the negative emotions I had been holding onto, everything started to change.”
Renee says she decided to stop drinking for four weeks.
“I did this and felt great – I had so much more clarity.”
Although Renee now allows herself to enjoy the occasional tipple, she says she has very strict rules and she only takes pain relief if she is in agony.
“I choose not to drink if I am emotionally high, like celebrating something, I also choose not to drink when I am emotionally low,” she says.
“Now when I do drink, I will have one or two and no longer get drunk to numb pain. I barely hit the shops now, and very rarely online shop. I buy what I need, not what I want to fulfil instant gratification.
“Once I found love for myself, I didn’t have a need for external sources anymore.”
• Renee now uses her experience to help others as a life coach. To find out more about her work, visit reneeclairehealth.com