TACKLE THE HARD STUFF

Which would you be more comfortable discussing with your parents? Your inheritance or your sex life?

In a straw poll of my friends, even in this more open and communicative era, most would rather talk about intimacy than death and money. Finances remain a taboo topic.

In fact, I have one friend who is making major life decisions revolving around her husband’s redundancy and whether they need to sell their home yet she can’t ask her father if she stands to get even a small inheritance. “He could be giving it all to the RSPCA for all my knowledge,” she told me wryly.

Well, I must be one of the lucky ones because my mum and stepdad have been very clear about what will happen to their money when they die. In fact, they’ve even embraced the saying that it’s better to give with a warm hand than a cold one and gave each of their combined offspring a small sum this past Christmas. It was a year when they could see the five of us could benefit.

Now I know lots of parents joke that they are Ski-ing – which is not sliding down a mountain but, as they point out, Spending the Kids Inheritance. Good for them. They’ve earned their money and should enjoy it.

But by talking about money matter-offactly, not only is everything more transparent but issues which may not have been considered can be raised. For instance, I know a friend who presumed she was her parents’ enduring power of attorney but only found out later it was, in fact, her brother.

While we may not always agree with our parents’ choices – and they may not appreciate our opinions – talking about money with respect, consideration and honesty ensures everyone knows their loved ones wishes. It also allows questions to be asked and should prevent post-funeral family feuding.

Another area that should be discussed is blended families and what share each child receives. It’s worth talking these issues through with a family lawyer who can offer advice and solutions.

Losing those you love is hard enough. Planning for the loss beforehand gives structure and clarity to those left behind.