Relationship

As COVID-19 restrictions have started to ease, and most of us settle back into a more familiar way of life, for a significant number of Australian women whose lives were already impacted by domestic violence, the ramifications of the pandemic may be especially devastating.

“Situations of heightened stress and panic, potential family disruption, social isolation, increased financial pressures, and disruption to people’s usual roles can all compound or exacerbate the underlying conditions that lead to violence,” said Patty Kinnersly, CEO of Our Watch, an organisation that works to prevent violence against women and children. “This is often reflected in the increased demand for domestic violence crisis services at such times.”

This year, communities had barely recovered from unprecedented drought and bushfires before COVID-19 turned life as we knew it upside down, and yet even outside times of crises, violence against women is a widespread problem in Australia, where, on average, one woman is killed every nine days by her current or former partner.

One of the terms commonly used to describe violence against women is domestic violence (see panel). To know if you’re at risk, it may help to explore what defines healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Healthy relationships are vital, they remind us of our value and enable us to share the happy and the challenging moments of life with each other.

According to 1800RESPECT.ORG.AU, a healthy relationship begins with safety and respect, and this applies to all kinds of relationships. For example:

• Partners, spouses and expartners and ex-spouses.

• Carers and paid support workers.

• Your parents, guardians or other family members.

• Adult children.

• Other people you live with or see often, whether inside or outside the home.

It is not healthy for any of these people to control you or cause you to live in fear. In a healthy relationship, happy times outweigh stressful or sad times. Signs of a healthy relationship include when you:

• Have freedom – to see family and friends, go out without the other person, control your finances, make decisions about your body and life, have your own interests, follow your own religion, cultural practices or spiritual beliefs.

Healthy relationships are not abusive. This means you:

• Can communicate with respect. • Do not feel scared to voice your feelings.

• Feel safe.

• Can say no to sex.

Healthy relationships are respectful. This means you:

• Listen to each other’s opinions and feelings.

• Are able to celebrate achievements.

• Don’t insult or abuse each other during arguments.

• Don’t use force, control or manipulate each other.

You have the right to feel respected and safe in all your relationships. If you’re worried that you are in an unhealthy relationship, contact 1800RESPECT.

VIOLENCE?

Domestic violence – also known as family violence – is when one person in a relationship hurts the other or makes them feel unsafe, and can happen in any kind of relationship, not just between intimate partners. Abuse doesn’t have to involve your body being hurt or physical violence to be considered domestic violence.

Domestic violence can involve behaviour that is violent, but does not have to be physical. Examples of violent behaviour include (but are not restricted to):

• Sexual violence – being forced into sexual activity against your will. • Physical violence – when someone deliberately hurts your body or takes away your control of your body. • Psychological or emotional violence – aims to cause emotional or mental harm.

• Financial violence – such as stopping you from getting a job, or forcing you to apply for a loan. • Neglect – when you are denied what you need to live comfortably and safely.

• Stalking – ongoing unwanted contact/attention.

WHERE TO GET HELP

• 1800RESPECT provides advice, support and counselling for people who are at risk or experiencing sexual assault or family and domestic violence, their family and friends, and frontline workers.

• If you or someone you know is affected by domestic violence, contact 1800RESPECT for free, confidential advice and support 24/7, online and by phone. Call 1800 737 732, or visit 1800RESPECT.ORG.AU

• Mensline Australia provides support for men with emotional health and relationship concerns, including issues of violence.

• If you are worried about your actions or relationship, contact Mensline Australia for free, confidential advice and support 24/7, online and by phone.

Call 1300 78 99 78 or visit mensline.org.au