Tap into YOUR EQ
ENHANCE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, EMPATHY AND SELF-AWARENESS
We all know someone who’s cool and calm, yet in touch with their feelings. Someone who always has time to talk and really puts themselves in your shoes. Well, chances are that person has a keenly developed sense of emotional intelligence (EQ).
“When you tap into your EQ, you gain a better understanding of what makes people tick, so it’s easier to respond to challenging situations appropriately,” life coach Domonique Bertolucci says. Try her tips to amplify your own skills…
TUNE INTO YOUR FEELINGS
Enhancing your own EQ starts by learning how to recognise your emotions as they happen – even when it’s the last thing you feel like doing. Making an effort to notice and name your emotions can be uncomfortable, but it’s worth persisting to develop your self-awareness. You could even record the feelings in a notebook and look at it at the end of each day to see how your self-awareness grows.
“It’s only when you understand your emotions that you can begin to see why you behave the way you do and make the choices you make,” Domonique says.
The more you realise how intimately your feelings and behaviour are connected, the greater your chance of staying calm and in control. You can also develop your EQ with meditation or mindfulness, which encourage you to notice your thoughts and emotions as they arise – without passing judgement.
“In difficult times, we still have to find the joy. And laughing is so extraordinarily healthy for the mind and body,” says eternal optimist, Goldie Hawn.
REACH OUT TO OTHERS
Paying attention to your own feelings will soon give you greater insight into other people’s emotions (both positive and negative) and increase your empathy.
Empathy is the capacity to understand why somebody feels or acts a certain way and the ability to communicate that understanding to them.
“It’s about putting yourself in the other person’s shoes to feel their joy, pain and sorrow,” Domonique says. “The more you can understand their emotional experience, the more likely it is you’ll have a harmonious relationship.”
Start by thinking how you would feel if you were in their situation. Imagine how it must be to go through whatever challenges they’re facing and consider what might make things better. Boost your understanding of how they feel by asking open questions, starting with who, where, when, why and how.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
This is one of the most challenging steps of the process, but it can also be incredibly rewarding.
“It’s about claiming ownership of your thoughts
and emotions, and accepting responsibility for your actions,” Domonique explains.
For example, feeling hurt by something a friend or family member says to you doesn’t give you permission to lash out – your behaviour is your own responsibility. Your ability to stay serene is key to increasing your emotional intelligence.
“When you stop blaming others for your actions, it makes it easier to act thoughtfully and appropriately,” Domonique says.
BE OPEN-MINDED
Emotionally aware and open-minded people are likely to have more agreeable relationships because they’re sensitive to other’s feelings.
“When you’re judgemental or narrow-minded, you only see how you feel and not anyone else,” Domonique says. “If you’re only considering your own feelings and not those of others, you’re only accessing a little of your emotional intelligence.”
Try being open to new ideas and opinions, and considering other possibilities.
“The more you appreciate the perspectives, values and emotions of others, the easier it is to communicate, have meaningful relationships and minimise conflict,” she says.
Listening to debates on TV or radio is an excellent way to nurture your ability to see various points of view.
PRACTISE POSITIVITY
While you can’t really help which emotions you feel, you can certainly choose how you react to them. And it’s usually easier to stay open and in touch with your
EQ when you’re looking on the bright side.
“An optimistic person sees opportunities all around them and is able to quickly evaluate which are worth pursuing,” Domonique says.
This can help with letting go of petty grievances and giving yourself courage to seize new opportunities.
Not only does a positive mindset improve your own life, it can be contagious to others.
“When you view the world from a positive point of view, you naturally tend to expect things to turn out well and so things are likely to turn out better,” says Domonique.