HELP! MY PARTNER DRIVES ME MAD!
5 steps to build better relationships
STRENGTHEN YOUR BOND WITH THESE EXPERT TIPS
According UK a study, a third of people in relationships listed their partner as the most annoying person they know! Sound familiar? The survey of 2000 couples conducted by LG revealed that “These individuals spend as much as five hours every day being frustrated with their significant other because of ‘snoring, passing wind, loudness, messiness and rudeness.”
But no matter how irritating our other half may be, chances are, it wasn’t always the case. “No-one falls in love with the most annoying person they can find – that is not how romantic relationships work,” says Jaemin Frazer, author of Leverage: How to Change the People You Love for All the Right Reasons and Get the Relationships You Deserve.
“The issue with these couples is that they have not improved each other nor eradicated each other’s annoying traits as the relationship has progressed.”
To prevent your relationship descending into resentment or worse, hostility, Jaemin believes that change is the only way to improve your bond.
“The key is to create change for the right reasons at the right time with the right tools,” Jaemin says. Here, she shares 5 steps to strengthen your connection and quit feeling so triggered by your other half.
1 WORK THROUGH INSECURITIES
Before fighting for change in your relationships, you must know that you deserve to be loved for who you are. If you come to the table trying to improve the quality of your relationships with unresolved insecurity – you may as well stop now. You’ll show up needy, which only complicates matters.
2 KNOW YOUR NEEDS
Once you are secure about the fact that you deserve love and happiness, your job is to be clear about exactly what it is that you desire for your life, and specifically, your relationships. Be
clear about the stuff that matters and the things that don’t. It really is that simple. Without clarity, you’ll end up complaining about anything and everything.
3 ACT WITH INTEGRITY
Before you demand change from those you love, you must first demand change from yourself. Worry about the BBQ sauce stain on your own shirt before pointing out the mess down someone else’s front. The integrity that comes from going first means you’ve done the work on your own life before asking them to work on theirs. You are not being selfish or arrogant, but that this is the best of you speaking to the best of them for the survival of your relationship.
4 BEHAVE MATURELY
The next step is to develop the maturity required to navigate conflict in a way in which both parties win – not just you. Maturity means bringing your best adult skills to the game to negotiate win-win outcomes instead of compromising or doing conflict in messy and childish ways. Adults have the ability to be responsible, understanding, gracious and self-aware in ways that kids do not.
5 TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY
Authority is having the power to see things through to the end. Once you’ve agreed to make a change together, stick to it. Create an action plan with real examples from your day-today and stay accountable. Remember real change in relationships comes from cooperation and commitment. Lead by example and you will be on the road to respecting each other once more.
Leverage: How to Change the People You Love for All the Right Reasons and Get the Relationships You Deserve by Jaemin Frazer (Major Street, $32.95), is out now. jaeminfrazer.com