Breaking up is HARD TO DO
DR PITTMAN PONDERS HOW TO SPLIT PEACEFULLY AND DETOX YOUR DIVORCE
Ican vividly remember walking down the aisle dressed in a lacy white cascading gown, heart beating rapidly in my chest as I slowly approach my husband-to-be, to Elvis’s Can’t Help Falling In Love. So many promises, so many dreams, such extensive plans bound to unfold.
SOBERING STATS
Rarely would anyone wish to walk this prized path with the knowledge it would end up in divorce, yet 33 per cent of Aussie marriages sadly end up with this fate, let alone all the other relationships that didn’t make it that far. As a health professional and expert in failed relationships, I have recently been invited to present at a ‘detox your divorce retreat’, to women going through separation about how to prioritise their health, amicably separate and find self-love. It provided the inspiration for this article to ponder this thought … can you have a ‘healthy divorce’?
TIME TO HEAL
Heartache is not for the faint hearted, yet unless you really keep your walls up, difficult to avoid. My first marriage fell apart twice, yes, correct – we married, officially and legally separated, only to do the vow renewal and separation all over again two years later. It took almost a decade to recover from that loss. Why so long? Because I bottled up all the pain, pushed on and threw myself into racing, studying and our son. I did not process and learn from that relationship, and it became my burden for the several partnerships that followed.
IT TAKES A VILLAGE
When divorce lawyer Cassandra Kalpaxis asked me to speak at the retreat, I reflected on how I eventually came out of that cloud of pain and what I could have done to hasten the process. Cassandra is now an expert in this space, with a passion for navigating women through peaceful separation. We both agree it takes a village to move past the self-doubt, the ruminating and disconnection. Stepping out of your comfort zone and reaching out to a variety of fields can make a huge difference; for example, seeing your GP for mental health, utilising relationship coaches, women’s physiotherapists and attending retreats with others experiencing the same journey can go a long way. This combined with practical tips such as exercise, yoga and meditation plus healthy eating could make the uphill battle less defensive.
FIND A RELEASE
Lastly, a tip from me, having done it the hard way. Yes, time heals wounds but let out the pain earlier: cry, eat chocolate, take up boxing – find a way to release the pressure. Sit with the pain – it hurts no matter what the reason is for the separation – and come out the other side with an open heart to future possibilities.