I’m not worthy of the absolute power of this transforming scorpion cockpit

“Desk” just doesn’t do it justice.

The Cluvens scorpion “cockpit” is a motorized desk, transforming from a ‘relaxed’ incline to an upright desk. The keyboard tray slides into place in front of your lap (trapping you, incidentally). The arm, which can hold up to three 29” monitors (or a 49” ultrawide), folds down in front of you, enveloping your entire field of view. Cluvens announced this chair in September, but I honestly can’t believe it hasn’t somehow appeared in a movie about evil hackers already.

You can easily picture this thing in a fight. It’s practically a Droideka already. It’d just break off its monitor arm at the tip and use the jagged metal and exposed cables as a stinger. The legs already move as it transforms, a horrifying image if you have an insect phobia or carpeted floors. We’ve seen similar designs to this transforming desk, but none of them had scorpion feet, which really changes the vibe of the whole thing.

Cluvens knows the image it’s projecting here, and the absurdity of its creation. Its website offers the assurance that “the Scorpion’s claws look a little sharp, but they actually have rounded corners. So you don’t have to worry about getting cut by the corners.”

The Scorpion is made of “industrial grade carbon steel” and its electronics are covered by a two year warranty. It supports a weight of up to 124 kg, which is just slightly more than it weighs, itself. It costs US$3,299 and comes in only one color: Black.

And yes, of course, it has built-in color LEDs. This is the one true battlestation. Someone needs to play Crysis on it, stat.