Which Star Wars character would you love to have dinner with?
Sometimes you just need a sounding board to exorcise the day’s demons and get all that frustration out there, in the open. Meat, three veg, and an almighty rant; that’s what dinner time is made for. And who better in the Star Wars rank-and-file to sit opposite for a spot of dinner-therapy than Boba Fett? Despite being so memorable, the guy only has five lines of dialogue in Empire Strikes Back, including the succinct “As you wish”. He may not be a good conversationalist but I bet he’s a great a listener, for a price. ( Note to self: don’ t mention any daddy issues; Bob a’ s liable to lose his head .) No character in Star Wars strikes me as able to provide a particularly good meal, with the possible exception of Lando, whose Cloud City home looks a bit swanky and upmarket for a guttersnipe like me. So I’ll choose Han Solo for my dinner date, as besides being hot sauce he’s probably visited a decent space diner or two on his smuggling journeys. Cheeseburgers are pretty much a universal constant, right? And if it’s not possible to find a stellar burger or hot space dog anywhere, we can always stop off for a liquid lunch at the Mos Eisley Cantina – shots, Han first, of course. They say you should never trust a skinny chef, so I’m applying the same logic to my dinner date. A princess-napping crime lord he may be, but at least I know Jabba isn’t going to judge me when I go for my fourth helping of paddy frog. The finest spread in the galaxy, rat-jester Salacious B. Crumb to provide the giggles, and ace dinner table anecdotes from a slug who’s seen 600 years of the Outer Rim’s craziest criminal action. (Granted, I’d have to learn Huttese to understand them – but it’d probably be more useful than that German A-level I did). The only potential downside? If the dress code’s strictly “gold bikini”. Old Ben – Obi-Wan if we’re being formal – Kenobi’s legacy makes him the perfect dinner date. Wouldn’t you want the inside track on how he rose through the Jedi ranks? Or how about discovering what he was up to in the years between relieving Anakin of his legs and messing around on Tatooine? As the night grows long, what I’d really want to glean from him is how he carried himself with such calm composure. Don’t forget, this is a man who once sported a rat-tail with zero shame. If that’s not the ultimate act of old-fashioned composed self-confidence, I don’t know what is.
IT’S GOOD TO TALK, BUT IT’S BETTER TO SHOUT. BOBA FETT WOULD GET BOTH BARRELS. HAN SOLO STRIKES ME AS SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THE BEST DRIVETHROUGHS IN SPACE. THE OBVIOUS CHOICE IS JABBA THE HUTT. THAT SLUG KNOWS HOW TO PARTY. I’D LOVE TO KNOCK BACK A FEW GLASSES OF BANTHA MILK WITH OBI-WAN.