What would the perfect Destiny 2 gun be, and why?
just one more question… the team debate this month’s burning issue
OPPOSITES ATTRACT ON THE BATTLEFIELD.
It’s good to talk. But is it? Is it really? Let me introduce you to my heavy weapon *giggle* The Aguish Of Contrary Opinion. This little beauty will send enemies into their own personal echo chambers. Your foes will descend into obsessive opinion, forced to defend the indefensible, such as why the Clancy-verse is gaming’s liberal saviour; why Japanese dating sims bring out the best in us; and why unskippable cutscenes are an art form to be cherished. The need to self-aggrandise and opinionate will send your enemies into a stunned state, easy to pick off. If war, even sci-fantasy war, is hell, then Aguish Of Contrary Opinion is a purgatorycannon of mass effect.
NEVER MIND WHAT IT DOES, IT’S ALL IN THE NAME.
Forget foppish names like Lethe Noblesse or Nox Revus III, I like my weapons to have names that make me smile – set me up with a Futile Gesture, How Dare You, or Low-Grade Humility. (I love Iain M. Banks’ Culture novels, and names like that just remind me of the sentient spacecraft.)
Let me introduce you, then, to the OPM Style Guide. It’s a Legendary (of course) hand cannon, and in its most basic form one round in the magazine does extra damage. Upgrade it with QuickPun IS and three rounds in the magazine do extra damage. Under no account equip Extended Mag, though – the whole thing will explode under the pressure.
BUNGIE SHOULD TAKE NOTES FROM BLOODBORNE AND MAKE ‘TRICK’ GUNS.
Guardians, if you feel me, put your hands up: I am so sick of changing my loadout when moving between PvE and PvP. Fortunately, I’ve got an idea for the ultimate Destiny 2 peashooter – the Trick Shot. Inspired partly by Destiny’s customisable Khvostov, partly by Bloodborne’s mighty morphin’ demon slayers, this flexible piece could insta-switch from shotgun to sniper or auto rifle at the touch of a button. (You thought I had a long-range gun? BOOM, shotty!) The only catch? You must pick its two gun settings when you first roll it. Convenient, and it’d change the Crucible meta forever: a proper game of rock, paper, shotgun.
AS OPM’S RESIDENT PACIFIST, I BELIEVE A PISTOL OF LOVE IS THE ANSWER.
Ladies and gentleman, is intergalactic conflict really the answer? I understand the Taken are bad dudes, but maybe we can try a new approach with them. I’m talking about Tyrer’s Invocation, a pistol that spits out lovely, heartwarming notes instead of mindless violence. Handwritten pleas will implore my enemies to see past our (admittedly profound) differences and embrace the majesty of life. With such a short range, anyone on the receiving end of a blast will only have to look into my eyes to see just how sincere I am. And if all else fails in my quest for peace and love? Get ready for pistol whip o’clock.