What special survival item would you take to E3?
I’VE ALWAYS FOUND THE HOTTEST NEWS COMES FROM THE COOLEST OF PLACES.
Years of experience have taught me the biggest scoops are ear-wigged while hanging by the pool sipping a cool Golden Cadillac. There’s no need to listen to marketing men shill “from the ground up remakes” if you do E3 properly. With this in mind I’d pack swim shorts to peacock poolside and chum up with the industry’s best and brightest. Of course I pay my way – no free drinks here – but at a games shindig you don’t need booze to tempt developers. Instead I’d pack a classic 989 Studios T-shirt as the ultimate conversation starter. “Why?” I’ll be asked. Why indeed. The trap is sprung.
I’M PATENTING A HI-TECH SET OF E3 EARPLUGS. RICHES AWAIT.
I attended E3 last year, and let me tell you, things get loud – especially when Sony decides to bring the hype. I could have done with a couple of soundmuffling buddies in my poor ears when Kratos oh-so-casually rocked up. Allow me to sell you on my ultimate fix: E3rplugs. They can be programmed to let through important keywords like “new Bioshock” and “Half-Life 3”– blocking out nonsense like “boots on the ground” and unintelligible fanboy screaming. And there’s a second mode for journos/nosy people: the “Hot Goss” setting grants you a sneaky perk that lets you hear exclusive game whispers through walls.
TECHNICALLY, I’M NOT GOING TO E3, BUT THE ‘BEN TYRER NEURAL NET™’ AFFORDS ME ALL THE BENEFITS WITH NONE OF THE DRAWBACKS.
E3 can be crazily busy, and our show report issue is one of our busiest of the year. Every time, I eagerly await words from Ben/Jen, none of which can come soon enough, which is why I’ve invented the ‘Ben Tyrer Neural Net’. This nifty bit of survival kit gives me direct access to Ben’s brain, from where I can directly download his stream of consciousness. Granted it will need a slight trim, but hey, we’re used to that. Plus I get the added benefit of subconciously urging him to write quicker...
I’LL COPE HOW I ALWAYS DO. PS VITA AND VIRTUA TENNIS.
Take my advice with a pinch of salt, because it’s my first time heading off to E3, but nothing helps settle the nerves more than a bit of Virtua Tennis on the PS Vita. Waiting at the airport because the plane has been delayed? Time for tennis. Stuck in the theatre after another amazing Sony E3 conference? Good job I have that Vita to hand. Need to dodge through the crowds that clutter the show floor? Using the extensive knowledge that’s only gained from playing so much Virtua Tennis, I’ll know how to smash them out the way with my Vita. In its carry case, of course. I’m not a complete monster.