LET IT DIE

Jen Simpkins will make you a (buzzsaw knuckle) sandwich Right, well – it’s time to let down my entire gender as I conform completely to an outdated stereotype: I am quite handy with an iron. More specifically, the skull-bothering weapon I find lying in one of The Tower Of Barbs’ grotty corridors. I round one corner and run smack-bang into a powerful ‘Haterfied’ version of one of a buddy’s corpses. Erk. Dodge, block, buzzsaw knuckle to my face, buzzsaw knuckle to his face – then I steam his brain like a Christmas pud with my shirtpresser. Talk about dirty laundry. If there were a kitchen level, I’d probably be at home there too. Oh, the shame…