DEAR TEACHER

Priceless excuses written by parents to their child’s teacher

Thirty years of teaching means you see a lot of excuse notes. Here are some of the most honest, ridiculous and hilarious.

Over 30 years, Patrice Romain, French educator, 54, collected these gems – funny, moving and full of good or bad faith, written by parents to their child’s teacher. As well as being amusing, these anecdotes are also revealing about the eternal misunderstandings between parents and teachers. Here is a pick of the best.

Lazy Bones I’m not going to tell you some cockand-bull story. Didier didn’t come to school yesterday because he had an acute attack of lazyitis.

But for once I’m not going to judge him, and I hope you won’t either.

Philosophical Attitude I know my daughter wasn’t at school yesterday. But when you come to think of it, what is six hours in a lifetime? Aren’t there more serious problems in the world?

Genius in the Making Please don’t be too hard on my son for his bad grades. Wasn’t Einstein himself a lousy pupil? No-one knows what the future has in store for him.

Thank you for your understanding.

Soulmates Thank you for everything you do for my daughter, because since my wife left I find it hard to take care of the house. I’d like to express my gratitude by taking you out to a restaurant one evening. What do you think of this idea?

In a Nutshell I’ll sum up our morning for you: bowl of hot chocolate knocked over, panic, aquarium overturned, goldfish unable to breathe, shouting, barking, crying, wiping the floor and so arriving late.

With our sincere apologies.

It’s an Ill Wind Sorry that Brandon was late – he told me the wind was against him as he walked to school.

Thank you.

Can You Keep a Secret? I, Pierre Durand, hereby declare that I brought my daughter Lucile late to school today, Monday, 18th January.

But above all don’t tell my ex-wife or she’ll do me in.

It All Adds Up Sorry my daughter was away yesterday because there was a maths test and it’s true that she has a tummy ache when there’s a maths test.

Sloped Off Please excuse Théo’s absence last week. But if you knew the price of going skiing outside of the school holidays, and if you could do it, you would.

Thank you for your understanding.

Unlucky Stars Can you please look out for my daughter today because I heard her horoscope this morning and it doesn’t bode well.

Attached to Individual Liberties My son won’t be there tomorrow. Don’t ask why, it’s none of your business.

Ouch! Boris didn’t come to school on Tuesday because he tripped on the cat’s tail, fell over and got scratched. So we had to go to the vet’s and to the doctor’s.

But it was nothing serious and they’re friends again.

Mission Impossible? Given all that we’ve had to put up with over the past few years, this September would it be possible to have a teacher for our daughter who is pleasant, serious and punctual, and is neither a trainee, nor pregnant, nor in poor health, nor a trade union activist?

I hope that you will give favourable consideration to this request.

A Word of Warning The next time that a certain Pierre Durant makes fun of our family being overweight, and especially my daughter Laëticia, I will come to the school in person and prove to him that it’s not fat we’re carrying.

I’m relying on you to scold this individual and make him understand that it would be better for him if he found another victim.

Thanking you in advance.

A Fault Confessed Is Half Redressed I’m letting you know that my son hasn’t done his maths homework. But as he doesn’t want to study science later on it doesn’t matter, does it?

Prevention is Better Than Cure I’m keeping Alice at home because I’ve heard there’s flu in your school.

Good luck in not catching it.

Classroom Gossip I’m not being nosy but is it true what people are saying about Class 4’s teacher getting divorced?

Thank you and please excuse my curiosity, which is well-meaning I assure you.

Fashion Victim Karine wasn’t at school on Tuesday because of the sales – she had to try on her new clothes. I know you understand. Thank you and have a nice day.

P.S. I don’t regret my purchases!

Silence Is Golden I’m sorry that Léo is late – it was me who told him not to set his alarm because it wakes us up.

Thank you and have a nice day.