MUGGER HUGGER

“Get me some money, lady. You wouldn’t be the first person I killed.” I considered running, but I’m slow. So I did what I do best when I’m nervous; I just started talking. I said, “I don’t have it as bad as you do, sir, but I am sleeping on my floor right now, and all I ever eat are ramen noodles, not that I lost any weight or anything.

“You know, people from Kentucky call and they say, ‘Oh, my God, New York City.’ I don’t have the heart to tell them I’m just a cliché, the kid who moves up here to change the world with her theatre. I’m not gonna change the world. My theatre stinks, really. I miss my mom, and I miss porch swings and sweet tea.

“So would you please not kill me, so I can just go back home where I belong?”

He looked at me funny, and then pulled me into a bear hug. It was my first human contact in months, actually.